Saturday, September 15, 2012

Relationships


I've been thinking quite a bit recently about relationships. When you hear the word "relationship," what is the first thing you think of? I found this link about relationships in researching the topic online. Very interesting information that I think I will be taking a longer look at. 
"However successful you are, there is no substitute for a close relationship. We all need them." ~ Francesca Annis
I have found that many people, when they hear "relationship," allow their brains to immediately go to the intimate partnership relationship. As a celibate, divorced woman who's primary intimate relationships are not of a sexual nature, but are rather with my friends and family, I go a different direction. I do think of relationships as being between husband/wife and boyfriend/girlfriend partnerships, as well as best friends, acquaintances, parents/children, siblings, and many more combinations. I would go so far as believing that any time someone interacts with another person, a relationship is formed and communication occurs. We have the opportunity to touch the heart of someone whenever we make eye contact, speak words to them, lay our hand on their shoulder OR avoid making eye contact, avoid verbal or physical contact. Something is always communicated with that person. 
"Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." ~ William James
When we touch the heart of another, are we communicating that we care, that we are willing to share in their life, that we are invested? When we choose to not interact with someone, a message is also conveyed. What is that message? The message could be one of self focus, of avoidance for fear of being hurt, of being empty and having nothing left to give. What message is being conveyed? That the person is not worthy? That you are judging them? That you dislike them? That you don't have the time for them? What are they perceiving from this interaction?
"A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship."~ Rainer Maria Rilke
I have heard it said from people who have suffered from serious illnesses or the unexpected loss of a loved one that support can come from many places, often support that was not anticipated. Those who are suffering are often overwhelmed by the love and support provided. Then, before they know it, life has gone back to normal. I have heard it said that the message they have received is one of "the time is up and you have to get moving again" or "we've supported you and are now going back to our lives. We can't hold your hand forever." Evidently there is a time limit on suffering, mourning, grieving, questioning. Conditional love and support is so incredibly hurtful.
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up ....." ~1Thessalonians 5:11
What happens when you have people you feel are close friends who are there for crises, though not on a regular basis? Life takes over and they are only able to fit you in when their schedule allows for it. You realize that you are the only one to instigate activities, phone calls, text messages, Facebook communication, emails. These friends have time for one another, but not for you. If you need that person for something specific, they are there without a doubt, but not for daily life. What does that say about this relationship? You want to be there with and for them, but all of a sudden you feel it goes one sided. You know you've all had a wonderful time when you are together, but all of a sudden you wonder if you are the only one invested in this relationship. So you decide to test it out. See if they will miss you. You stop trying to communicate and see what happens. Isolate to a degree. What happens? Do they even notice?
"And let us consider how we may spur one another toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ~ Hebrews 10:24-25
What defines a relationship? Are we called to give and give and not expect it given in return? Am I a bad person for feeling left out? You notice that they communicate with others, however not you. Do they just always assume you will be there? Of course you will always be there, but you want to be there for more than crisis alone. If you allow the relationship to be one of crisis only, will you call out to them if such a time transpires? I would lose count if I attempted to count the number of clients I have had who, when asked who is their support system respond, "no one. They have their own lives. I don't want to add to their stuff." "Sure they'll be there if I ask them, but I don't want to burden them." Again I ask, what message are we giving out?
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." ~ John 15:12-13
I really don't have an answer for this as I'm still pondering. Relationships are tough to pin down. There is no right or wrong, but they are certainly worth more than silver or gold. What kind of friend am I? When people think of me, what message did I convey to them? Do they want me there for good times as well as hard or am I one for crisis only? What about the people in my life? Do they love and accept me on a daily basis or are they "call me when you need me" kinds of friends?
"The sweet smell of incense can make you feel good, but true friendship is better still." ~ Proverbs 27:9 

 
 

Monday, September 10, 2012

For my dear friends.....Thank you!!


I've been so amazingly blessed by people in my life who have touched my heart. You are amazing and I love you!! Thank you for standing by me, praying, supporting, and making me the person I am today. I cherish each and every one of you. God has blessed me with you in my life. Many of us have had strife and struggles. We may have even struggled in our friendship, but we stand there nonetheless. This song makes me think of you and reminds me of how blessed I am. So much of my life is better because of you.



"...ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God's people,I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. " ~ Ephesians 1:15-19