Staying Steadfast is NOT Always the Easiest Thing to Do

I realize that I have not written on here in quite a while. My reputation has become one of a "crazy busy" person. Between my business, ministry at my church, and wonderful time with my family, life can get fairly slammed.I am beginning to learn that, standing steadfast is important to prevent my chaotic life from swaying me to and fro, and is much more difficult than this very strong-willed woman can sometimes embrace.

It seems like every couple of years, my life finds it's way into extraordinary changes.This

year is no different. Earlier this year, after turning down far, far more people than I felt was acceptable, the idea of expanding my practice became increasingly real. The conflict with this is that I had already been scheduling 30 clients per week. Anymore than that, I ran a significant risk in burning myself out. That certainly wouldn't be a good idea after all of the years of education and working so hard to get to where I was. Another option was to find a larger office suite and bring other social workers under the umbrella of Serenity Hope Counseling, PLLC (SHC). A faith-based agency of social workers to provide help and support to the East Pierce County community. Fortunately, an office suite opened up in the same building I've been in for the past two years, though I still had an additional year on my lease. After a long line of help and support from some colleagues and friends, I was able to move into the four office suite. One of the dilemmas is that this suite is more than triple the cost for my work financial budget. OH.....another important piece of information? Around this same time, a wonderful clinician who I got to meet and work with when I worked at the ER reconnected with me and had been feeling led to enter this world of private practice.

Just prior to signing the lease of my suite this Spring, I was also notified of an opportunity to take a five day training to become an instructor for Youth Mental Health First Aid. For the first time in several years, the training took place in Seattle, making it very accessible for me. The issue is that most people's companies will pay for their training and they still get their paychecks. For me, I had to pay the $2000 tuition and miss a week of work. ACK!! On the other hand, there was this opportunity to be trained to teach the community of people who work with youth how to recognize and deal with mental and behavioral health. We would be trained on how to help stop the stigma of mental health. To raise up a generation of people to learn that the brain is a part of the body and mental illness is a physical illness. To help the youth that we work with realize their worth. How could I decline this chance?

AND last Fall, I felt very strongly that I needed to make some family memories 

by taking a vacation with my kids, my best friend, and my ex-husband. We started making plans to take a long awaited trip to Philadelphia, New York City, and Washington D.C. Nonrefundable tickets that were purchased as plans were made for this vacation.There will be more on this trip in another post. SO, let's look at this timing.
March - take Mental Health First Aid instructor training
May 15th - finally hired a medical billing company to handle my claims and billing
June 1st - got the key for my new office suite - painting and prepping for business ensues
June 15th - moved into the new office suite and out of previous office
June 29-July 15th - vacation
September 1st - planned start of new clinician at SHC



And these are just the highlights. Other things include ministry, including facilitating a 10 week spiritual transformation class and singing in the choir.

As I write this, there are so many things playing in my head. Financial difficulties due to so many of these decisions, as well as insurance delays, etc. The question begs to be asked, "What do I do to get myself out of this?" Do I apply to return to the ER? Will SHC make it through this transition? Did I make mistakes? Did I overstep what I believed God was calling me to do? Was I wrong? Was I not a good steward of what God has blessed me with? Finances have been the thorn in my side for many, many years. Over the past several, things had appeared to be improving, yet...here I go again. Sigh.

As I ponder all of this, I look around my personal life and my professional life. I see a minimum of six marriages of friends that are at huge risk for divorce. A couple of husbands are not living at home. I was a witness at several of their weddings. My heart is breaking for these families. A few weeks ago, I also found out that it is likely I have been manipulated and lied to by a long term client. A domestic violence situation that I missed. Words that were spoken to the wife that were the same as were spoken to me when I was still married. Actions reported by the wife brought back flashbacks of what I experienced. I often kind of pride myself in being able to identify DV in relationships. I missed this one. Does that mean I've been missing things in other situations? With other clients?

I was in a session the other day in which I was talking to the client about armoring up with the full armor of God. As I was speaking to the client, I flashed back to a conversation that God and I had a long time ago in which God asked me why I let someone have so much power over me. Reminding me that our battle is not with flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil. That I am to buckle up with the belt of truth. As I was in the session, the words that crossed my mind were "why are you letting these issues have so much power over you?" The following question for myself was asking if I was remaining steadfast. Am I being blown and tossed about by the waves of life or standing firm with the belt of truth buckled around my waist?

What about relationships with family members? With friends? People I thought were friends who don't return calls or messages, or who walk away when I try to speak with them? "Friends" who attempt to slander my name, my reputation by choosing to make comments about my spiritual journey, my wisdom, or my ability to be a therapist? I have spent the past little while pondering all of these things through the perspective of being steadfast. Financial struggles, moving into a new office suite, relationships gone awry, physical health, etc.... I have recently found myself watching a few series' on Netflix that are political in theme. A phrase I hear spoken in several of them is "I serve at the pleasure of the president of the United States." That caused me to pause as I realized that I serve at the pleasure of the Lord Jesus Christ. WOW!! In all of these situations, the bottom line for me is, what would my Lord want me to do? How would my Commander in Chief (God) want me to respond? 

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." ~ 1 Peter 5:5b-10 NIV

I am to be steadfast. I am to stand firm with the full armor of God in place. I am to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and I am to love my neighbor as myself. Be steadfast in what I know to be true. This weekend a dear friend got married. She asked me to participate in her wedding by none other than....singing a solo.... "You want me to do what?! Surely you don't want THAT?!" Though I was completely honored to be asked, I was terrified to do this. Sign a song? Sure. I can do that. But SING? I haven't sang a solo since my 21yr old was 2yrs old. It's been a long, long time. I'll spare you the details of the battle that ensued for the past 6 or so months. I'll just say that I did honor her request and an honor it was. I was quite proud of myself, actually. Not because I feel I did well, but because I let my heart sing for my friend and her husband. The affirming words from those in the wedding attendees meant a lot, however, what meant the most were the tears in my friend's eyes when she listened to the song they chose. Because I chose to be steadfast, I was able to give her the gift she most wanted from me. It wasn't about my voice. It was about my heart. Maybe this is the part that I need to embrace for the rest of the year. My prayer:

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!" ~ Psalm 51:1-2

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." ~ Psalm 51:10-12

Did you notice what I saw in this passage? God's love is steadfast. Maybe this year has been about recognizing and embracing the love of my Father. That searching for His steadfast love will provide the healing, the validation, affirmation, and the guidance I've been seeking for so long. Something to definitely ponder.


all contents (c) 2017 Laura Inglis