2014 will be the third year that I have participated in
OneWord365. In the first year, my word was ACCEPT and I went on a journey
learning to accept myself, my health, and support from others, among other
things. Last year, my word was REST and I began learning to move forward in my
life, leaning on God, resting on my faith in His Word. Sometimes we have to
make decisions based only on our knowledge that we are doing the right thing,
even when we are unable to see around the corner. As I have traveled the
journey of accepting and resting, I find myself needing to learn how to RETURN.
In researching the word “return,” I found a few definitions
that were interesting:
“To go
or come back, as to a former place, position, or state; to revert to a former
owner; to revert or recur, as in thought or discourse, to make a reply or
retort; to put, bring, take, give, or send back to the original or proper
place, position, etc; to send or give back in reciprocation, recompense, or
requital”
When I first felt that “return” was supposed to be my word,
I wondered what in the world that meant. After pondering it and researching a
bit, all of a sudden it made sense after the years I have had trying to focus
on accepting and resting. I don’t know
about you, but I struggle with making decisions and going about life
changes. As things become quite complicated, I find myself often fighting an
inward battle. I try to figure out which direction I am supposed to go, what
changes I am called to make, what am I to embrace and what am I to let go of.
How do I distinguish the difference between embracing my thoughts and desires from God’s instructions and plans for my life?
I have often heard the phrase “give it (struggles, prayer
requests, etc) up to God and take all ten fingers off.” The point is stop
trying to take control over something that we are asking God to take care of. I
have difficulty trying to determine what is letting go of control and what is
walking away, becoming passive.
Some of my struggles right now involve my private practice that
is taking much longer than I believed it would, causing me to question if my
decision to go out on my own was my desire or God’s instruction. Did I do what
I was called to do? I thought I was instructed to place music back in my life,
however I seem to have hit a dead end. Was I coerced into that decision because
I really did want it back or was God really asking me to step back out in
faith? How about my health? Is the cancer really gone or will it pop back up
again? There are so many other places in my life where I question if I am “hearing”
God correctly.
How do I know which direction to go?
“Pray
that the Lord Your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do.”
~ Jeremiah 42:3
From my current understanding on the first day of this New
Year, it appears that I will be learning how to return these thoughts and ideas
to God. If they are truly from Him, He owns them. He will once again give to me
what He wants me to have. I don’t know what this will look like, though I am
interested in knowing what my reports will look like throughout the year.
“But as
for me, I watch in hope for the Lord. I wait for God my Savior; my God will
hear me.” ~ Micah 7:7
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