Mid-Way Through Learning to Accept

  
So, those of us who are participating in the One Word challenge have been asked to do a mid-year update on how we're doing. My word this year has been ACCEPT and it has certainly been quite the challenge. Between dealing with the whole appendix cancer diagnosis and two abdominal surgeries within six months, learning to accept help and support from others, and figuring out some changes that need to happen in my thinking this year has been interesting to say the least.

Something that I had not considered when I agreed to the challenge was how often I reminded myself of the need to accept the changes in my life. Accepting the idea that cancer had chosen to lay claim to my abdomen was actually the simplest of the things I have had to accept. During my medical leave, when others offered to help and/or stay at the hospital, reminding myself that they were there because they wanted to be with me was a bit easier when I remembered that I was learning to accept help from others. I had to remember that allowing them to stand with me was no different than me standing with others. I do it because I care. Why shouldn't they be able to show me that they care about me the same way? How dare I prevent them from expressing their love and concern for me?


Learning to accept how much I am respected at work is proving to be slightly more difficult. I have not been in the social work field for very long so how is it possible that  I am as equally skilled as those whom I have the privilege of working beside? A very dear friend made a book for me to take the hospital. It was a guest book for those who visited to sign with messages so I would be able to remember who had been there. Not only did she make this beautiful book, she arranged for many of my colleagues and friends to send me messages in the book. The love and support this team has shown to me this past year has been more incredible than I could ever have imagined. Remembering the word I was working towards this year has helped remind me to accept this love and support as well as accept their opinions of my social work skills. Maybe I actually am a skilled social worker. Maybe God has provided me with what I need to do this job. 


Probably even more challenging for me has been learning to accept abilities that could possibly be talents given to me by God. For so long I have struggled with the concept of talents and consistently compared myself to others, of course always weighing in as not good enough. I'm continuing down this journey of attempting to find and accept these pieces of myself. Not sure yet how this journey will play out, however my job right now is to learn the acceptance of what may or may not be talents for me. A goal of learning to accept my abilities without comparing them to others is a good place to start. I'll have to let you know how that one goes as time goes on.

The most difficult part of this journey is learning to accept love from God. As someone who has been raised in church and has the full knowledge that God loves me, accepting that love is frequently more challenging. I was raised to fear God. Be obedient to His commands. The feelings involved in my faith was not something addressed quite so much. For someone who struggles with not feeling good enough, accepting God's love for me as an individual somehow tends to feel prideful. Lest I come across doubtful of God's love, please understand that I believe God sent His Son to save all of us. The problem comes with individualizing that love. That's definitely a blog for another day as I travel down this road learning to accept God's perfect love.

"Accept" has most assuredly been a word I believe God has laid out for me this year. As many changes have occurred during the first half of the year, I become torn between anxiety and excitement for the rest of the year. How will God continue to work in my heart? How will He teach me to accept things about Him, about others, and about myself? Interesting journey I must say.