What about the mandates?
What about our jobs?"
I've got you.
all contents (c) 2021 Laura Inglis
This is a space for me to work through my thoughts and feelings during this journey called life. We're on this path together. I'd love for you to join me and we can support one another as we travel.
Dear Dad,
We sure had our ups and downs. There were times I truly did not know if you loved me or not; if I lived the life you wanted for me; or if you were proud of the life I made for myself. I remember always looking to you for affirmations. I cherished the stories of your practical jokes and loving the sarcastic banter. I hope you know how much comfort and confidence you provided when I knew that my daddy would take care of me, be my voice when I couldn't find my own, and protect me from harm. I remember you teasing my friends and their children and the phrase "If I didn't tease you, it meant I didn't like you." I literally broke down in tears when Shanna called me to check on me after you died. She asked if there was anything she could do for me and I sobbed when I told her that she already did everything. She got married and gave me the chance to see you, visit you, and create memories one more time. I was never so grateful for a trip than that one. I am so glad that we took the additional few days to visit a place that you'd never been to. You passed on the love of traveling and I'll think about that when we travel. I learned that you did love me, in your way. I learned to realize that you had strong opinions because of your heart. You wanted things done a certain way because you felt that was the right way. It's because you cared so so much. I think back to the conversations and debates that we had and realize that this was your way to engage with me about my own passions, too. I realized that you're really the only one in our family who truly "got" me. I sure hope I can live up to the legacy you left. To honor you. I miss you incredibly. I hear your voice, I see your eyes, I hear your laugh. I feel your hugs as you'd say hi or bye when either of us would travel to visit the other. I hear you affectionately calling me "Sissy" at times. I also know that one day I will indeed see you again. And what a day that will be. Until then, my world has changed more than I ever imagined and my heart is broken. I love you, Daddy!!
"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." ~ Isaiah 43:19
"The LORD said to Moses, 'I will also do this thing of which you have spoken; for you have found favor in My sight and I have known you by name.'" ~ Exodus 33:17 (NASB)
"Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." ~ Psalms 5:12 (NIV)
"May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands." ~ Psalms 90:17 (NIV)
"Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people, come to my aid when you save them, that I may share in the joy of your nation and join in your inheritance in giving praise." ~ Psalm 106:4-5 (NIV)
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." ~ Proverbs 3:3-4 (NIV)
"Good judgment wins favor, but the way of the unfaithful leads to their destruction." ~ Proverbs 13:15 (NIV)
"A good name is to be more desired than great wealth; Favor is better than silver and gold." ~ Proverbs 22:1 (NASB)
"Now God had caused the official to show favor and compassion to Daniel...." ~ Daniel 1:9 (NIV)
"For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." ~ Galations 1:10 (NASB)
There were many other passages, including several that mentioned people who were chosen and granted favor by God as part of their journey. Genesis 6 tells of Noah finding favor in God's eyes, resulting in Noah and his family being saved from the destruction of the world by a flood. Also in Genesis 39, Joseph was granted favor by God, setting things in motion to ultimately rescue God's people during famine. In Luke 1, we find that Jesus' mother, Mary, was chosen to birth God's son after finding favor with God.
For a word that I rarely hear, I never realized how often it is used in Scripture and in so many different scenarios. After spending the past year in the "middle," this journey of "favor" looks to be quite interesting. Have I found favor in God? Does God plan on giving me favor? I would love to believe that I favor the One in who's image I was created. What does 2021 hold? I have ideas. I have hopes. I am indeed curious.
"I lift my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." ~ Psalm 121 NIV
I continue to watch and wait to see where this journey takes us - recognizing even more that God is in control and I need to lean on Him, whether I find myself in the middle or on either side. I am grateful for where He has brought me through this year - where I feel I can see life much clearer from the middle than I would have standing on one side or the other. Now I wait to see where God places clarity in my personal world as we navigate God's calling for my future amongst these changes and uncertainties.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~ Matthew 22:36-40
"A wise man holds his tongue." ~ Proverbs 10:14
"Equally distant from the extremes; being at neither extreme"
"Constituting a period of a language or literature intermediate between one called OLD and one called NEW or MODERN"
"Typically asserting that a person or thing both performs and is affected by the action represented"
"The central portion of the human body"
"The position of being among or in the midst of something"
"The center of an offensive or defensive formation"As I typically do, I went to Scripture and did a little research on what it says about middle. What I found was pretty fascinating and certainly peaked my interest and caused me to pause. As the dictionary provides different descriptions of the term "middle," there are many circumstances in the Bible that display those concepts as well.
"Then the tent of meeting and the camp of the Levites will set out in the middle of the camps. They will set out in the same order as they encamp, each in their own place under their standard." ~ Numbers 2:17 NIVTo my understanding, the Levites are the people who are set aside as the priests. Further in this passage, the Tent of Meeting was also in the center. The rest of the tribes camped around the Levites and this Holy Place. The Spiritual leaders and the Holy Place were set in the center, with the rest of the tribes surrounding them. While I'm not a theologian, my understanding is this was for multiple purposes. One of these was for safety and protection. I also believe this may have been to set up a core....stability for the tribes.
"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left."
~ Exodus 14:21-22 NIV
"Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Dead Sea was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stopped in the middle of the Jordan and stood on dry ground, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground."
~ Joshua 3:15-17 NIVThese particular passages describe how God is in the middle and how He performs miracles in the middle. Of course then there are the other times when we are in the middle.
"Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long."
~ Exodus 14:19-20 NIV
"You are all around me - in front and in back - and have put your hand on me." ~ Psalm 139:5 NCVSo God is present on either side, before us and behind us...and has His hands on us. What about in the midst of time?
"Yahweh, I have heard of your fame. I stand in awe of your deeds, Yahweh. Renew your work in the middle of the years. In the middle of the years make it known. In wrath, you remember mercy." ~ Habakkuk 3:2 WEB
"Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy." ~ Habakkuk 3:2 NIVAs I was researching all of this, I was reminded of something else that totally caused me to pause.
"There they crucified him, and with him two others - one on each side and Jesus in the middle." ~ John 19:18 NIVWOW! Wait. What? Jesus was in the middle between two criminals. I knew that, but I never put that together with Him being in the middle.
"One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!' But the other criminal rebuked him. 'Don't you fear God,' he said, ' since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.' Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.'" ~ Luke 23:39-43 NIVAll of this caused me to take a look at my life and wonder about the times I'm in the middle or times when God is in the middle. Do I follow Him when He's leading? Do I trust that He's coming up behind me and protecting me?
"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.'" ~ 2 Chronicles 2:17 NIVThis is a song that has been following me lately. It completely continues to remind me of how God is ALWAYS there...... As I journey through the changes of 2020, I must remember that He tells me not to be afraid because He will always be with me.
Another In The Fire lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Groupall contents (c) 2020 Laura Inglis
As I was pondering the year 2019, I realized that I have not posted anything on here for an entire year. My most recent post was exactly a year ago today. I started to write a post a few different times throughout the year but nothing ever went further than part of a draft. I just could not get my brain to pull a post together. All of a sudden, over the past few days, my brain started cranking again so I thought I would attempt to put some thoughts on here. As I began this particular post, I realized that I only posted once in 2018 as well. I guess the past two years have been more experiential in processing what God is doing in my life. Much more living in the moment and reflecting with 20-20 hindsight.
This past year has held so much change for me in many places. As I began the year, I believed that my word was "serenity." Per the Cambridge Dictionary, the term "serenity" means the quality of being peaceful and calm. As I perused Scripture, serenity is often expressed as tranquil and/or peaceful. Looking back at the year, I can see where God has blessed me with this concept, even when I was in the middle of such great change and a ton of trauma and uncertainty. So much stirring that the evil one has often come completely unhinged in attempting to tear me down in my personal and professional life.
My year began while on a Christmas trip to my hometown area with my daughter, my best friend, and my best friend's parents. My parents and her parents have become friends through the 20 years of Patty and my friendship. Shortly before we headed there, Patty's mom began experiencing some significant nerve pain, causing an issue with her mobility and comfort. While we were in Savannah, my dad began not feeling well. Both of these situations caused a few small hiccups on our trip, however we all had a wonderful time together. I bring this up because, shortly into the new year and a brief time after our return home, my dad was found to have blood clots and serious heart blockages, requiring heart surgery and lifelong medication. Followed by that news, Patty's mom was discovered to have a rare type of cancer. These were definitely jolts to everyone. A note to ease things, both of them are fine. Dad is healing nicely and Patty's mom is done with chemo and we're claiming the cancer is gone. It's sure hard to hold onto peace when stuff like this is happening.
A week prior to our trip down south, I made a commitment to myself to get physically healthy. I began a nutrition plan 3-1/2 years ago that I continue using, then last year I challenged myself to start a workout program. After my own battle with cancer, watching my dad's health become it's own conflict, and Patty's mom struggling with pain and cancer, I chose to make getting myself healthy a priority. For the past year, I've completed 20-40 minute workouts near daily and feel so much better. Hiking has become much less of a challenge; I've been able to start lifting free weights; and can even do burpees without modifying. Most of the modifying I do now are due to arthritis in my hands and knees. My hope is that one day the arthritis will get with the program and let me do more intensity. Starting a workout program certainly brought up some serious struggles inside of me. If it were not for my best friend, my daughter, a friend who is also my coach, and a group of friends I met through this workout program, I would not have been steadfast in this area. I began to recognize my challenges and competitive nature. The idea of modifying moves was quite humbling. Not being able to do even modified moves is super frustrating. The faster the moves get and the more complicated, the more frustrated I can become. I nearly gave up several times, but I always picked it back up and am so glad I did. While my before/after photos don't show dramatic change through the year, my current photo compared with when I first started this journey definitely does. I'm actually pretty excited to see the change in another year. Somewhere along the line, the frustration and steadfastness have switched places and I have embraced serenity and this has become a part of my daily routine.
One of the struggles with working out involves lack of coordination. I jokingly (okay, only halfway joke) that I am unable to clap my hands and stomp my feet at the same time. Working out has historically been a problem for me due to this inability. A former friend was unfortunately witness to this frustration back in the day of aerobics classes. She witnessed either language that I am not proud of coming out of my mouth, or I would leave in the middle of a class in tears....Once she found me sitting in the sauna in a puddle of tears. I figured the tears would dry quickly while in there. This year, I volunteered to participate in our bi-annual Spring Tea at church. I told them I could sing and act.....so they assigned me to be part of the dances. We were dancing to several songs from the show "The Greatest Showman." I nearly quit that as well, due to tearful frustration. However my castmates and the choreographers convinced me to stay, even informing me that I have some "good lines" and can indeed learn to dance. I am still not so sure about that, but my serenity came from the involvement with the program. I hope the attendees were able to see many people in various shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities do the best we could and step out of our boxes.
In November, my best friend and I had the opportunity to celebrate our birthdays in Las Vegas while attending Donny and Marie Osmond's final show. Watching this show brought tears to my eyes as I do love performing. I always have. Dancing in the Spring Tea and then witnessing the performance in Vegas definitely refreshed my passion for performing. My hope is that one day I will find my place in that world.
As far as my business goes, there have been some conflicts in that arena. These conflicts have been primarily financial struggles while dealing with insurance companies. After six years of trying so hard to do business with them, I made a very difficult decision this year to discontinue my relationship with all of them. Their mission and mine have proven to not be aligned in any way. They have caused some pretty intensive financial difficulties this year so, effective January 1, 2020, I have chosen to become a fully out of pocket private practitioner. This was quite the ethical dilemma on my part, as I understand the importance and need for many people to depend on their insurance companies to pay for treatment. I have been in that arena for much of my life so I totally understand that. The peace came when I realized that this is due to the decisions of the insurance companies, not mine. I realized that, ethically, my decision to remove myself from underneath their methods of doing business was a better match for my practice. I get to finally do my work based on my client's needs and desires, not on insurance demands. This will certainly help as I navigate the world with clients who are struggling in their lives and/or marriages/relationships, when they are in crisis, when they are fighting to live, when I get to fight with them for them, when they request phone sessions or video sessions.
I also continue to teach Mental Health First Aid and Youth Mental Health First Aid classes. I hoped to be teaching these more frequently, however that has not grown to meet the need quite yet. This is an area that I will continue praying will grow. I have, however, been requested to do more speaking on Love Languages, Boundaries, and Mental Health. This is definitely a surprise to me. To be contacted out of the blue and asked to be a speaker, due to my knowledge, experience, and passion is quite humbling for sure.
Nearly two years ago, we sold our home and moved to a rural area near my office. We moved into a rental townhouse with the belief we may only live there for a short time. Throughout the past couple of years, we kept seeking homes, even believing one of them was to be our new home. As time moved on, I became convicted that we were not grateful for the gifts God had blessed us with. We were so busy looking forward to our new home, that we were losing sight of the gifts He had given us. Once I shifted that thought process, I began to feel increasingly peaceful and calm. Now we have been given new direction. Direction that I will share as we are given more specific details. I realized recently that I feel like a mix of Noah and Abram. Build the boat. Prepare for rain. Move when and where I instruct you to. We have some direction, however I am preparing as I am instructed, step by step.....and am attempting to maintain an attitude of gratitude all the while navigating the unknown. It has been interesting navigating the anxiety of big change while at the same time embracing serenity that God is in charge and will give clear directions when it is His timing.
While pondering all of these situations and experiences over the past year, I compare where I was at the start of this year to where I am now. I have learned to embrace serenity even in these challenges. When finances are tough; when I fear I may not be able to help my clients; when I wonder how I can find an in and educate the community how to help in this current suicide crisis; when I fear that I may make a fool of myself on stage in my speaking engagements, in singing, or even dancing; when I focus so much on getting healthy that I do something wrong and hurt myself; or even fear making big decisions in case I hear or interpret incorrectly. My job is to keep my focus and remember that fear is not of God.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." ~ Isaiah 26:3 (ESV) "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." ~ James 3:17-18 (ESV) "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:7 (ESV) ".....for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
I truly don't know what 2020 holds. What I do know is that this new decade will bring about some pretty significant changes in my life. I think it may be a good time to evaluate the last decade as I prepare for the next one. Hmmm......
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