Life of Transition

It's been quite a while since I've been on here. Like the rest of the world, my life has been full of change, uncertainty, and transition. I randomly opened up this account this morning and read the last couple of posts and realized how much I used writing to express myself in this journey. This platform was a way that I navigated the OneWord 365 Word of the Year from 2012 until 2021, journeying through cancer diagnosis and treatment, relationship struggles, getting to know myself, and much more. 

I realized that the final word of the year that I had received was "favor." I was interested in how that word would play out during the year after disease, politics, and so much violence blasted our world (to put it all mildly). "How will 'favor' impact this year?" I thought. Just over a week after posting my blog about that word, my world rocked when my dad unexpectedly and suddenly passed away on the other side of the country. While he had been dealing with health issues, he was my daddy. I was his only daughter and I loved him, sought his approval, and while my logic brain knew God would take him home at some point, I was not ready. My dad's death sure did not feel like a good start to "favor."

Before 2021, our lives had begun a journey of change in 2017 when we put our home on the market as God instructed us. It was time to move on with plans He had for us and life has consistently remained in transition. We signed a six-month lease on a condo, uncertain where we would permanently land. This six months turned into three and a half years, during which I released my cherished office suite for my business, turning my therapy work into online video sessions; my roomies and I were called from the church we had made home for 17 years; the mental health trainings I had excitedly been trained for and held many classes fizzled out; my best friend's career as a teacher transitioned in various ways as well, and my daughter began seeking her path as a Bible College student. One of the massive changes came when, on our way home from a family gathering in July 2019, we felt a calling from God to move from Western WA. Lots of interpretations, prayers and discussions followed as we attempted to figure out what God was telling us to do and where to go as we waited and prayed. 

After my dad's death in 2021, my household spent a month in Northern Idaho to just get away and explore a place we'd never see before. Due to the world going pretty well fully online, we were able to still work while we were away from home. While there, we all were amazed at the area and felt very at home there, planning on returning again at some point. While there, my roomies and I did a Bible study on the prophet Elijah in 1Kings. There was so much that spoke to us during that month and in that study, though we were not fully aware of how much it would soon speak to each of us.

Later in 2021, within six or so months of my dad's passing, God instructed us to give notice to our landlady that we were to end our lease in 40 days. We confirmed this calling through many prayers of each of us and others, receiving affirmation in Scripture passages. God gave us no knowledge of where we were to go, though we were obedient and gave notice, packed up the condo, and waited. Little did we know of the nomadic life we were now going to be traveling once we left the condo. Ultimately, we found our belongings in storage units - that were very few and far between during this time period and God provided - and we moved into a hotel room for a month. Our last weekend there, each of the three of us separately heard God direct us to return to Northern Idaho, which we did.

As I write this, it is now June 2024. We remained in various hotels/short-term suites in Northern Idaho and Washington from September 2021-January 2023, until God allowed us to rent a beautiful home in Idaho. What experiences we have had since beginning this journey. SO much building of our faith, learning to lean fully on God for ALL things, and living in the moment. We're nearing the end of our lease, though are unaware of our next step. We feel God has "planted" us in this area, in a local church family that we've grown to love, registered and able to vote, and becoming comfortable with the area. I think what started me feeling I wanted to give an update was when I read my most recent post in August 2021, when God was trying to help me learn to focus on today, on Him. Wow that really rings true, even these years later. The word that year was "Favor." WOW! As we travel this journey in God's calling. As we stumble and try to run ahead. How much favor God blesses us with. My world rocked. My world changed. I never felt I would live the life I now live, where I live. God reminded me this morning to keep my eyes on Him. He told me that clearly when we uprooted nearly three years ago and is reminding me now that those instructions have not changed. 

I went a bit further back to check in on the words I focused on since beginning this word of the year path. The words have been - Acceptance - 2012; Rest - 2013; Return - 2014; Journey - 2015; Restore - 2016; Steadfast - 2017; 2018 was pulling all of these together; Serenity - 2019; Middle - 2020; Favor - 2021. Since I know that God never wastes a step, even when I make the mistakes in trying to help, I'm super curious as to how He will use these lessons on my path and tie them together. Hmmm...

 

all contents (c) 2024 Laura Inglis

Where's My Focus?

Keep your eyes on Jesus. 

Don't look behind Him.

Don't look around Him.

Focus ON Him. 

Eyes to Eyes.

Don’t watch the storm.

Don’t look at the future. 

"What about the move?

What about where we're gonna live?

Will we be in Tent City?
What about the mandates?
What about our jobs?"

Look at today. 

Plan for tomorrow only.

Don't look at three days from now.

Don't worry about the future.

“Sweetie. C’mon. 

Look at Me.

Don't look out there.

Do you trust me?
I've got you.

You'll be okay."

He touches my chin to redirect my wandering eyes. My curious eyes. My eyes that want to plan for the future. For the next few weeks. For this weekend.

“No, honey. 

Watch Me.

Just Me.

Focus on your Savior. 

On you Father.

Let Me lead.

Keep your eyes on ME.

Eyes to eyes."

 

"Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid.' 'Lord, if it's you,' Peter replied,. 'tell me to come to you on the water.' 'Come,' He said.'" 

~Matthew 14:27-29

"See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland." ~ Isaiah 43:19

all contents (c) 2021 Laura Inglis

The First Man in My Life

Men have been a predominant presence in my life. I was my parent's firstborn child, and was followed by three brothers over the next seven years. Then got married and had my own son when I was 24. At one point, believed I would give birth to all sons, until I was shocked by my daughter's birth when I was 29. Yet I digress.

My parents were quite young when they found I existed and they were married. I am so sure it was quite the shock to these young teens. A new marriage. A new baby. New entrance into adulthood. My dad had been raised as the eldest of four children with a very strong mom and a father who had his own set of issues. They were raised on what was literally "the wrong side of the tracks," which resulted in a colorful upbringing. Each of the four siblings were quite strong personalities and my father felt responsible to make sure his family was protected. That trait never left his personality.

Throughout my childhood, my dad was my world. I wanted with all I had to please him. He was strong. He was fun. He loved tickling us, wrestling with us, athletic activities were constant. He was strict. He demanded immediate and complete obedience. He had a hard temper and we would know instantly if we were in trouble and each of us would pay severe consequences. There was a great deal of fear of my father in our home due to his level of discipline. At the same time, I never feared anybody or anything else because I knew my dad would always take care of me. He would always protect me. During my teen years, those who were from our small little community knew to avoid bullying me out of fear or respect of my dad. My high school boyfriend even told me once that, "your dad looks like one of those men who go out and scare grizzly bears for a hobby." He was not small. He was was strong. His blue eyes could look through someone. He did not forget and was one of the most stubborn people you'd ever meet. 

My dad loved sports and he loved singing. While I was never an athlete like my brothers, we did get to share the music. Gospel music, 50s and 60s music, and some country music. I remember sitting on my bed singing together and singing in the car while driving down the road. It was so much fun. He also took very seriously our ability to learn how to drive. I still hear his voice during certain situations when I'm driving. He was an amazing advocate for those he cared for. It was like nothing scared him. 

I never remembered my dad being sick. I remember when I was a young married woman, just a couple of months after our first anniversary and living in another state, my phone rang and I learned that Dad was in the hospital after seizures revealed a non-cancerous brain tumor. This was the first time I recall ever considering that he had any vulnerabilities. I called one of my brothers who lived across the country and his response was quite the same as mine. "What? Dad? Huh?" My mom told me that my dad kept asking the doctors in the emergency room if they were still able to make a planned trip to visit his daughter in North Carolina the following week. He had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and his mind was on a trip to visit his 19 year old daughter. My heart melted to know that he wanted so badly to visit me, as much as I wanted to lay my eyes on my protector. When I saw him, I will never forget his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes were even more intense blue. The seizures had burst the blood vessels in his eyes, causing the whites of his eyes to become blood red. I felt so much more peaceful, having seen him and been able to trust that my father would be okay. 

Even after I was married, my dad continued to be my protector and continually made sure his daughter was taken care of. When I would buy a new car, or if I had car problems, I would call him. My dad was a car person and I would trust his judgement and want his approval for my decisions. He was the first man I ever loved. The first man I ever wanted to please. To prove myself as worthy. 

At some point, Dad was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and lost 70lbs. While I was told of his diagnosis, I was not told of his weight loss. My parents came to my home on the other side of the country for a visit. I won't forget picking them up at the airport and my dad coming through the gate and walking right past me since I did not recognize him. Did I mention he also absolutely loved practical jokes? So he took off his glasses and wanted to see if I would notice him, as he walked right past me. I failed that test and it was a story that he loved holding over my head for many years, as he would laugh at how he pulled that off. 

I feared throughout my life that I did not make my dad proud. My marriage ended after 17 years and I went to school for a social work degree that my dad did not feel would financially support me. My children were not the same as my parent's other grandchildren, just as I have never been the same as my brothers. Then, a sister-in-law informed me once that my siblings felt like I was the only one who could deal with my dad. That actually made me sad because, with age comes wisdom and I had learned about my dad by figuring out why he was the way he was. I was able to make use of my education and apply it to looking at him from behind the scenes. He would stand strong with issues because he felt he was right. He was a Quality Assurance inspector and was very literal. He loved so deeply and cared so much that he would have opinions on everything. Researching, coming up with options and ideas, standing immovable when he felt he was right. He even did a bit of research on mental illness, knowing that this was my field so he was able to have conversations with me about my passion. I remember during an election season, we went toe-to-toe in a conversation, with me ending up saying that we just have to agree to disagree. That was a foreign concept to him. Per my mom, I'm the only person that would ever do that with him. 

Over the past few years, my dad's health began deteriorating with kidney disease, heart disease, and the previously diagnosed diabetes. We had the opportunity to take what ended up being our final trip together for one of my cousin's wedding, in Washington D.C. After the wedding, my parents joined my daughter, my best friend, and I for a few days in Philadelphia. I was observing my hero showing his age and failing health. Apparently, he had began feeling old as his body weakened with age and health issues. Over the next year and a half, his health became worse and worse, resulting in ongoing kidney dialysis and congestive heart failure. Finally, the time came when, January 2021 had barely begun and I was told that my dad's body failed him. His organs failed and Jesus took him home. 

My mom's partner since she was 16, and husband of 54-1/2 years, a father of 4 kids and 3 daughter's-in-law, Papa of 10 grandkids, and a man who loved God and loved doing for others.....He was gone. My hero. The first man in my life. My protector. My advocate. And all I could think about was that he was alone in an emergency room when his body began to quit working. Was he afraid? Was this strong and independent man scared that his body was letting him down while he had no control? I have had a peace deep in my soul that my dad is happy and healthy, sitting at the foot of God's throne, however the part that broke my heart was that picture and those questions. One night, while crying and praying, God blessed me with an answer that I won't soon forget. I heard these words. "He wasn't alone. We were with him." Those words reverberate in my heart whenever I think about Dad's passing. The first man in my life, my first hero, my protector and advocate is now with my Savior and my Creator.       

Dear Dad, 

    We sure had our ups and downs. There were times I truly did not know if you loved me or not; if I lived the life you wanted for me; or if you were proud of the life I made for myself. I remember always looking to you for affirmations. I cherished the stories of your practical jokes and loving the sarcastic banter. I hope you know how much comfort and confidence you provided when I knew that my daddy would take care of me, be my voice when I couldn't find my own, and protect me from harm. I remember you teasing my friends and their children and the phrase "If I didn't tease you, it meant I didn't like you." I literally broke down in tears when Shanna called me to check on me after you died. She asked if there was anything she could do for me and I sobbed when I told her that she already did everything. She got married and gave me the chance to see you, visit you, and create memories one more time. I was never so grateful for a trip than that one. I am so glad that we took the additional few days to visit a place that you'd never been to. You passed on the love of traveling and I'll think about that when we travel. I learned that you did love me, in your way. I learned to realize that you had strong opinions because of your heart. You wanted things done a certain way because you felt that was the right way. It's because you cared so so much. I think back to the conversations and debates that we had and realize that this was your way to engage with me about my own passions, too. I realized that you're really the only one in our family who truly "got" me. I sure hope I can live up to the legacy you left. To honor you. I miss you incredibly. I hear your voice, I see your eyes, I hear your laugh. I feel your hugs as you'd say hi or bye when either of us would travel to visit the other. I hear you affectionately calling me "Sissy" at times. I also know that one day I will indeed see you again. And what a day that will be. Until then, my world has changed more than I ever imagined and my heart is broken. I love you, Daddy!! 

                                                                                            

all contents (c) 2021 Laura Inglis

FAVOR of 2021

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  ~ Isaiah 43:19

As we near the end of the turbulent year that has been 2020, I began hearing a word that I rarely hear. The word "favor" is not one that I recall hearing very often. However, I have heard it frequently, almost daily, for weeks from various sources - including from devotions, Scripture verses, songs, and social media. I decided to accept that God was indeed confirming this was my word for 2021. As usual, I decided to explore the dictionary and found a variety of definitions for the word "favor." 

Per Merriam-Webster, the definition of "favor" is: 

• friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior
• approving consideration or attention
• gracious kindness
• effort in one's behalf or interest
• a token of love usually worn conspicuously
• a special privilege or right granted or conceded
• in accord or sympathy with
• to the benefit of: in support of
• to treat gently or carefully
• to show partiality toward
• to give support or confirmation to
• to bear a resemblance to

So, essentially, it means doing something kind for someone, resembling someone, being cautious in how you treat someone, supporting someone, or providing a small gift to someone. Per BibleStudyTools.com, the term "favor" means "gaining approval, acceptance, or special benefits or blessings. There is also a close association among favor, grace, and mercy."

My next move was to turn to the Bible to see what it says about the word "favor." 

"The LORD said to Moses, 'I will also do this thing of which you have spoken; for you have found favor in My sight and I have known you by name.'" ~ Exodus 33:17 (NASB) 

"Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." ~ Psalms 5:12 (NIV)

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands." ~ Psalms 90:17 (NIV)

"Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people, come to my aid when you save them, that I may share in the joy of your nation and join in your inheritance in giving praise." ~ Psalm 106:4-5 (NIV)

 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." ~ Proverbs 3:3-4 (NIV)

"Good judgment wins favor, but the way of the unfaithful leads to their destruction." ~  Proverbs 13:15 (NIV)

"A good name is to be more desired than great wealth; Favor is better than silver and gold." ~ Proverbs 22:1 (NASB)

"Now God had caused the official to show favor and compassion to Daniel...." ~ Daniel 1:9 (NIV)

"For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." ~ Galations 1:10 (NASB) 

There were many other passages, including several that mentioned people who were chosen and granted favor by God as part of their journey. Genesis 6 tells of Noah finding favor in God's eyes, resulting in Noah and his family being saved from the destruction of the world by a flood. Also in Genesis 39, Joseph was granted favor by God, setting things in motion to ultimately rescue God's people during famine. In Luke 1, we find that Jesus' mother, Mary, was chosen to birth God's son after finding favor with God.

For a word that I rarely hear, I never realized how often it is used in Scripture and in so many different scenarios. After spending the past year in the "middle," this journey of "favor" looks to be quite interesting. Have I found favor in God? Does God plan on giving me favor? I would love to believe that I favor the One in who's image I was created. What does 2021 hold? I have ideas. I have hopes. I am indeed curious. 

all contents (c) 2021 Laura Inglis

The End of the Middle

At the beginning of this year, I felt quite strange when I realized that my word for 2020 was "middle." I thought for sure that I was missing something or that I certainly heard the word wrong. As 2020 moved forward, I felt that "middle" was actually where I would be all year. Oddly enough, many of us were looking forward to a year of vision and clarity (20/20, right?). Instead of perfect vision, it has seemed like our vision has become exactly the opposite and resulted in so much confusion and poor vision.

2020 has consisted of a myriad of emotions that have included fear, panic, anxiety, and anger causing animosity, conflict, and division. The world seemed to have shifted on its axis when the medical world warned of the most recent pandemic - COVID-19. This was complicated in America by the fact that 2020 is a major election year in which the current United States president was running for re-election against the previous vice president. This election was the end of a long four years of a presidency that people either approved of or violently hated. The extreme emotions resulted in a severely divided country. The United States have become anything BUT united. To top it off, racial conflict erupted into even more division and hatred, causing violent protesting and rioting, a horrible ripping apart in families, communities, even churches. 2020 has been nothing if not quite surreal. As I write this, I feel more in the middle than I ever have. The year has not ended and there continues to be uncertainty in the election, in the pandemic rules vs power and control from policy makers, and in what 2021 will look like. 

Living a year in the middle has been fascinating, and painful.

I was raised in the South, and attended school in inner city Savannah, Georgia - only a mile or two away from the Projects. In my elementary, middle, and high school years I was one of the minority. Diversity and racial inequality was something I was raised to be very familiar with. To see this explode across the country was incredibly painful to me. To have the limelight shine on poor choices by a small percentage of law enforcement and watch the media stir the pot by leaving out parts of the stories. To watch and hear invalidation on both sides. To believe that all people are created equal while listening as opposing sides are pushed further and further away from reconciliation - it has been mind boggling.  

To witness people lose their livelihoods due to this pandemic and mandated quarantine and watch people lose their lives to this illness that no one really seems to understand, is an experience our culture has never experienced before. I even found myself shifting my therapy practice to strictly online in order to maintain safety for myself and my clients. That was a move that I never saw coming for my job. Giving up my office that we worked so hard to make a safe space for people to come into was hard for sure. We seem to have now morphed into a world of maskers vs non-maskers, creating even more divide. I go for days with never even leaving my home due to all of this chaos and uncertainty. This is, for sure, a different world than I ever thought I would live in. Church buildings were closed and we attended church virtually. Schools were closed and also done virtually. Then we have physical health (pandemic) vs mental health (isolation, depression, anxiety that has increased suicide rates enormously). I try to navigate myself and my client's mental health as they live in the same confusing world that I do. I feel right in the middle of it all. 

Now onto the election that has divided families, churches, communities, and basically every aspect of life. There are people who voted out of fear. People who voted out of pure hatred over the sitting president. People who have spent his entire four years in office working to get him out. Now a massive division trying to figure out if there was truly election fraud, if the media is fake news, and which media one can believe. 

People are allowed to protest with no fear of legal ramifications or blame for spreading the illness, and yet with political power and control manipulation, churches and places of worship are being shut down, taken to court, and blamed for being "super spreaders." The only choice we seem to have is to stand on one side or the other. If you are one end of the spectrum, you're selfish and don't care about your neighbors or families. If you are on the other end, you're a control freak and want to have a communistic or socialistic society. Where is the middle? Do we have to be on one side or the other? People in some states are being fined for having holiday gatherings with family members, or for gathering for weddings, funerals, birthdays, etc. Family members are dying alone because of Fear. Mothers are giving birth with no family in the delivery rooms due to the same fear. WOW!!!

Living in the middle has been such an experience....Not all fun, but an experience for sure. I feel I am walking out of 2020 with sadness. Looking at where our world has come. Living in a country that historically pulled together when in crisis, but this time is just. falling. apart. I am in the middle. And I am heart broken. Then God reminds me of the history of the world He created. I read the Bible and I remember history, both Biblical and world history. We have been here before. Not in my lifetime or in recent generations, but still we have been there. And throughout this history, we can see God's hands again and again. I am reminded to live where He has placed me, in the middle, looking upwards. 

"I lift my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." ~ Psalm 121 NIV

I continue to watch and wait to see where this journey takes us - recognizing even more that God is in control and I need to lean on Him, whether I find myself in the middle or on either side. I am grateful for where He has brought me through this year - where I feel I can see life much clearer from the middle than I would have standing on one side or the other. Now I wait to see where God places clarity in my personal world as we navigate God's calling for my future amongst these changes and uncertainties. 

 

 

all contents (c) 2020 Laura Inglis

Bullying or Loving?

A while back, I found myself unable to navigate the constant hate, negativity, and chaos on social media so I've spent a larger amount of time away. My hope was that taking a timeout would help me be less frustrated. I still hear a lot, as I still live in our world and it's hard to miss much of it these days, unfortunately. 

Over the past few days, I've found myself online much more in order to find updates on and how local wild fires were affecting my community. The fires were only 4 or so miles away from my home so it was important to stay current. AND, in this process, I've found more posts that are super disappointing to me. I've read posts from people that bring tears to my eyes and break my heart. Political posts. Posts about social rights, human rights, and legal rights. Pro family rights. Anti-law enforcement rights. Religious rights. Protesting rights. Anything that can be divisive can and will be thrown out in this time period. I wish I could say that the quarantine and pandemic, and all that surrounds it is to cause. I'm not that naive.....yet I am that heartbroken. 

I am indeed a life-long follower of Jesus Christ (for those of you who don't know).....and am also social worker who has spent her career attempting to model after what Jesus would do in these situations. The Bible says - 

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~ Matthew 22:36-40 

This tells me that, while loving my Heavenly Father with all I am, I am to love others through that lens, as God does. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Have I screwed up in my life? You betcha. Do I hope and pray that these mistakes aren't held against me in my life? OH YEA.

Do I believe police brutality is acceptable? NO. Do I believe that the majority of police are brutal? NO. Do I believe that race "should" be considered when we evaluate someone's behavior? NO. Do I believe we have the right to protest what we believe to be unfair or not right in situations? YES. Do I believe that these protests are allowed to be destructive, violent, and life threatening? NO. Do I believe change requires violence? NO. 

I believe that abortion is absolutely and irrevocably WRONG. I believe that we need to look out for people around us. That we are obliged to protect those who are unable to protect themselves. Abortion is wrong. Period. Killing an unborn child at any stage of development is not our right. Our responsibility is to protect the life of the one who does not have a voice. Period. If the child is born into a bad situation, it is ALSO our job to protect them as well. Since when do we protect one another from a hard life by killing each other? 

The argument about police brutality is SO SO off base. Are there bad cops who are absolutely in the wrong field? YES. Are there bad social workers? YES. Are there bad teachers? YES. I sure hope that my work is not judged by others in the field who make horrible decisions! I don't see protests against social workers... or teachers. Are people discriminated against in various situations? YES. 

I'm not going to get into a debate here about these things. The point of this rant is how we are all handling these issues. There are a million things right now that are dividing us as a country, as a world, as a society, as families, and so on. While we will NEVER all agree, we CAN be respectful of one another. We CAN communicate and agree to disagree. What I'm seeing and hearing ALL OVER the place is what we will protest against. We will complain. We will fight for "them". We will try to legalize consequences against whatever "it" is. But we refuse to see it in ourselves. BULLYING. 

I challenge you. Read through 5-10 posts and comments on your social media timeline. Now take a look at how you feel when you read the post and the comments. Whether you agree with the person or disagree. Does it stir connecting, uplifting feelings or negative and tearing one another down messages? Are we building one another up or tearing one another down? I refuse to get into political conversations anywhere outside of my own home and with some who are close and safe for me. Trump is ________. Biden is _______. Trump has done ______. Biden has done _________. And the list goes on. "If you vote for Trump, unfriend me." "I don't understand how Christians can choose to vote for someone as awful as Trump." "If you vote for Biden, unfriend me." "I don't understand how Christians can vote for him and his socialist friends." Are we encouraging conversations or discouraging them? What message are we sending to people who we may disagree with? If we're tearing them down, WE ARE BULLYING those we say we love. 

If you say that you refuse to love someone you disagree with, are you following the greatest commandments? In this part, I'm speaking to people who profess to be believers and Christ followers. I've seen Christians speaking as ugly or uglier than those who don't profess this life. We are called to LOVE. Are we speaking to one another in love? Are we causing division? Unfortunately, what I read is division. And I'm CERTAIN that breaks my Father's heart. Unfortunately I've not even been in communication with many of my brothers and sisters in Christ due to just this. The messages they are sending are NOT messages of unity. And I can't understand that. I just can't. Christian bullies? WOW!! NOT okay!! They will know we are Christians by our love. Where's that love at? 

For everyone else.... please ask yourself....am I loving those who disagree with me? Am I building people up or tearing them down? We don't have to agree in order to love. We can disagree and not bully. Honest. How do we teach our kids to not bully? For me, if you vote for Trump, I'll trust that you have evaluated and prayed and have made an educated choice. I'll respect you and love you. If you vote for Biden, I'll trust that you have evaluated and prayed and have made an educated choice. I'll respect you and love you. I will do the same in my election choices. I will not bully you for your decision. I may disagree...and that's okay. Please vote. After evaluating, researching, and praying. 

If you are a police officer, I appreciate you and will presume you're doing your job appropriately until you prove otherwise. If you are a person being discriminated against. I'm SO sorry that is happening and/or has happened. You will be loved and respected by me and I will stand up if I believe you are being treated unfairly. I see it as part of my job as a Jesus following social worker. If you are experiencing an unwanted pregnancy, please reach out and I'll walk with you to help find an answer for you and for your unborn child without choosing death. If you feel a need to protest, feel free to do so respectfully so your voice is heard. I have done that in my past and would do it again. If you feel stirring up trouble is the right way, please re-evaluate and let me help you learn how to effectively communicate what you're feeling. 

Bottom line? Please learn to communicate to and STOP BULLYING one another. Let's unite again as a country? Please stop being divisive??!! Note to ponder - If this was your final post on social media, is that how you'd like to be remembered? Or if this comment to someone was the last one they'd ever see from you, is that the message you'd want them to leave with? What legacy would you like to have remembered about you? A bully or someone who built people up? 

all contents (c)2020 Laura Inglis

In the Middle of 2020

When I last posted on here, we were just beginning this decade, with hope and excitement. There was curiosity about what the 2020's held for us. Just a couple of months into the year/decade, we were introduced to COVID19 and our lives began to change. Shoot. Our world changed. Not just our country, but our world. Fear of becoming ill began to run rampant. Tens of thousands of people all over Earth were stricken and passed away. People became quarantined; schools closed down; businesses closed; families were separated; seamstresses and crafters began creating masks when there wasn't enough protection equipment to protect medical professionals and first responders, then passing them onto the general public; and life became more different than anyone could have predicted. Many felt that 2020 brought us into the middle of a science fiction movie and the economic stability plummeted. People were unable to pay their rent, their mortgages, buy groceries, pay bills. The government did what they could do to help by opening up options for unemployment, offered stimulus packages, postponed IRS filing, deferred student loan payments and other payments to help people navigate their budgets.

As the year has continued, the world started working on opening up, the bitterness and hostility that had built up in society exploded. People tired of being locked down; of the government deciding what we were allowed to or not allowed to do; and felt increasingly isolated. I believe that the tension, depression, and anxiety build-up opened the door to the only thing possible. People craved interaction with others; physical touch; independence; and freedom. As the months moved on, emotions built-up, and bred anger. Racial inequality became the focus. Social distancing became a second thought and righteous anger took over. After African Americans were murdered and society did what happened far too many times.... The dead were not validated and those who murdered them were not called to justice. What began as a plea for justice became nationwide civil unrest. What began as people begging to be treated equally and fairly, fueled by built up emotions from the past few months as well as racism that our country started with.

Racism, in my opinion, began in the U.S. when those who relocated from other countries chose to take away from those who already inhabited our country. As time and years passed on, we forgot that we were the newly created melting pot. Instead of melting together, we strained those "ingredients" that were different and labeled them as "less-than." As years progressed, some people maintained that view and treated those "different" people quite cruelly, even inexplicably murdering them, producing fear in populations of people who aren't the same; producing a perception of privilege that one group was "better-than" others. One group against another and against another and against another. The "United" States became less and less united in various time periods... Including the middle of 2020.

In the midst of the changes in our society through COVID19 and now the rioting/looting and protests, my heart began crying. I read arguments between people who are friends, between families. The worst part of this time period to me? The divisiveness in our community. The loss of relationships when people disagree has always been a concern, but this period seems to be even worse than I've seen. The middle of 2020 has brought increasing isolation and increasing conflict/division in a world that I love so much. I will often write a rant when I see things going sideways, when I feel I have to fight for a justice. My words won't come this time. As I try to process everything happening, this verse came to mind.

"A wise man holds his tongue." ~ Proverbs 10:14

I realized that neither side will hear rational thought. Verbal de-escalation isn't working. Mediation isn't working. I'm one of the population deemed privileged without anyone knowing my background or experiences. The majority that I see and hear are invalidating one another's side. My heart breaks. I love with my whole heart. The lives of those who are protesting. The lives of those who are hurting and struggling. The lives of those who have been lost so tragically. Those servants who are trying to maintain peace and safety. Jesus said we are even to love those who are so hateful. I refuse to be one who responds to hate and anger with hate and anger. My heart hopes with all I have in me that the middle of 2020 becomes the turning point. Is it possible to hope that the second half of 2020 brings peace from this turmoil? That at some point we will be unified?

I know that 2020 holds more change in my own life that I'll share in another post at some point. What I don't know is what the big picture of 2020 looks like as a whole for the world. Will you do something with me? Will you pray for the bitterness to dissipate? For us to remember that we are a melting pot that requires the ingredients of each and every one of us to make it the beautiful and flavorful creation that was envisioned so long ago.

all contents (c) 2020 Laura Inglis

LIFE IN THE MIDDLE

This year, the word that continues to be repetitive in my life has been "middle." What an odd word for my word of the year was my initial thought. The more I pondered it, the more it began to start making sense. My hope is that, as the year progresses, I will understand why this is my focus for the year.

According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, the definition of "middle" is 

"Equally distant from the extremes; being at neither extreme"

"Constituting a period of a language or literature intermediate between one called OLD and one called NEW or MODERN"

"Typically asserting that a person or thing both performs and is affected by the action represented"

"The central portion of the human body"

"The position of being among or in the midst of something"

"The center of an offensive or defensive formation" 

 As I typically do, I went to Scripture and did a little research on what it says about middle. What I found was pretty fascinating and certainly peaked my interest and caused me to pause. As the dictionary provides different descriptions of the term "middle," there are many circumstances in the Bible that display those concepts as well.

In Numbers, there is a description of the layout of how the tribes camped in their travels. 

"Then the tent of meeting and the camp of the Levites will set out in the middle of the camps. They will set out in the same order as they encamp, each in their own place under their standard." ~ Numbers 2:17 NIV

To my understanding, the Levites are the people who are set aside as the priests. Further in this passage, the Tent of Meeting was also in the center. The rest of the tribes camped around the Levites and this Holy Place. The Spiritual leaders and the Holy Place were set in the center, with the rest of the tribes surrounding them. While I'm not a theologian, my understanding is this was for multiple purposes. One of these was for safety and protection. I also believe this may have been to set up a core....stability for the tribes. 

Then we have the situations when Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, through the Red Sea and when Joshua led them through the River Jordan. In both of these experiences, God divided the waters and the Israelites walked on dry land.

"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left."

~ Exodus 14:21-22 NIV

"Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Dead Sea was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stopped in the middle of the Jordan and stood on dry ground, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground."

~ Joshua 3:15-17 NIV 

These particular passages describe how God is in the middle and how He performs miracles in the middle. Of course then there are the other times when we are in the middle.

"Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long."

~ Exodus 14:19-20 NIV 

"You are all around me - in front and in back - and have put your hand on me." ~ Psalm 139:5 NCV 

 So God is present on either side, before us and behind us...and has His hands on us. What about in the midst of time? 

"Yahweh, I have heard of your fame. I stand in awe of your deeds, Yahweh. Renew your work in the middle of the years. In the middle of the years make it known. In wrath, you remember mercy." ~ Habakkuk 3:2 WEB

 "Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy." ~ Habakkuk 3:2 NIV

As I was researching all of this, I was reminded of something else that totally caused me to pause. 

"There they crucified him, and with him two others - one on each side and Jesus in the middle." ~ John 19:18 NIV

WOW! Wait. What? Jesus was in the middle between two criminals. I knew that, but I never put that together with Him being in the middle.

"One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!' But the other criminal rebuked him. 'Don't you fear God,' he said, ' since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.' Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.'" ~ Luke 23:39-43 NIV

All of this caused me to take a look at my life and wonder about the times I'm in the middle or times when God is in the middle. Do I follow Him when He's leading? Do I trust that He's coming up behind me and protecting me?

My life this year finds me in many middles. Various situations when I find a need to step out in faith to move forward, to trust, to know that God is behind me, in front of me, and standing in the middle with me. There are work changes. There are ministry changes. There are home changes. And possibly more changes that I don't even know yet. Walking by faith, not by sight. Following what I'm told. I don't know what it all looks like. I don't know all of the instructions. What I do know, is that God will be in front of me, behind me, and with me.

"You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.'" ~ 2 Chronicles 2:17 NIV

 This is a song that has been following me lately. It completely continues to remind me of how God is ALWAYS there...... As I journey through the changes of 2020, I must remember that He tells me not to be afraid because He will always be with me. 

I put the lyrics under the video in case you'd like to read them while you listen. I know it helped me.

Another In The Fire

Hillsong UNITED

There's a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone

There was another in the fire
Standing next to me
There was another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
Of how I've been set free
There is a cross that bears the burden
Where another died for me
There is another in the fire

All my debt left for dead beneath the waters
I'm no longer a slave to my sin anymore
And should I fall in the space between
What remains of me and this reckoning
Either way I won't bow to the things of this world
And I know I will never be alone

There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There is another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free
There is a grave that holds no body
And now that power lives in me
There is another in the fire, oh
There is another in the fire, whoa
There is another in the fire, whoa
There is another in the fire, oh
I can see

And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

There is no other name but the name that is Jesus
He who was and still is, and will be through it all
So come what may in the space between
All the things unseen and this reckoning
And I know I will never be alone
And I know I will never be alone

There'll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There'll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You've been to me
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I can see the light

And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between

There'll be another in the fire
Standing next to me
There'll be another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
How good You've been to me
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

Count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be, sing it again
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be
I'll count the joy come every battle
'Cause I know that's where You'll be

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Chris Davenport / Joel Timothy Houston

Another In The Fire lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group 

all contents (c) 2020 Laura Inglis

The Serenity of 2019

As I was pondering the year 2019, I realized that I have not posted anything on here for an entire year. My most recent post was exactly a year ago today. I started to write a post a few different times throughout the year but nothing ever went further than part of a draft. I just could not get my brain to pull a post together. All of a sudden, over the past few days, my brain started cranking again so I thought I would attempt to put some thoughts on here. As I began this particular post, I realized that I only posted once in 2018 as well. I guess the past two years have been more experiential in processing what God is doing in my life. Much more living in the moment and reflecting with 20-20 hindsight. 

This past year has held so much change for me in many places. As I began the year, I believed that my word was "serenity." Per the Cambridge Dictionary, the term "serenity" means the quality of being peaceful and calm. As I perused Scripture, serenity is often expressed as tranquil and/or peaceful. Looking back at the year, I can see where God has blessed me with this concept, even when I was in the middle of such great change and a ton of trauma and uncertainty. So much stirring that the evil one has often come completely unhinged in attempting to tear me down in my personal and professional life. 

My year began while on a Christmas trip to my hometown area with my daughter, my best friend, and my best friend's parents. My parents and her parents have become friends through the 20 years of Patty and my friendship. Shortly before we headed there, Patty's mom began experiencing some significant nerve pain, causing an issue with her mobility and comfort. While we were in Savannah, my dad began not feeling well. Both of these situations caused a few small hiccups on our trip, however we all had a wonderful time together. I bring this up because, shortly into the new year and a brief time after our return home, my dad was found to have blood clots and serious heart blockages, requiring heart surgery and lifelong medication. Followed by that news, Patty's mom was discovered to have a rare type of cancer. These were definitely jolts to everyone. A note to ease things, both of them are fine. Dad is healing nicely and Patty's mom is done with chemo and we're claiming the cancer is gone. It's sure hard to hold onto peace when stuff like this is happening.

A week prior to our trip down south, I made a commitment to myself to get physically healthy. I began a nutrition plan 3-1/2 years ago that I continue using, then last year I challenged myself to start a workout program. After my own battle with cancer, watching my dad's health become it's own conflict, and Patty's mom struggling with pain and cancer, I chose to make getting myself healthy a priority. For the past year, I've completed 20-40 minute workouts near daily and feel so much better. Hiking has become much less of a challenge; I've been able to start lifting free weights; and can even do burpees without modifying. Most of the modifying I do now are due to arthritis in my hands and knees. My hope is that one day the arthritis will get with the program and let me do more intensity. Starting a workout program certainly brought up some serious struggles inside of me. If it were not for my best friend, my daughter, a friend who is also my coach, and a group of friends I met through this workout program, I would not have been steadfast in this area. I began to recognize my challenges and competitive nature. The idea of modifying moves was quite humbling. Not being able to do even modified moves is super frustrating. The faster the moves get and the more complicated, the more frustrated I can become. I nearly gave up several times, but I always picked it back up and am so glad I did. While my before/after photos don't show dramatic change through the year, my current photo compared with when I first started this journey definitely does. I'm actually pretty excited to see the change in another year. Somewhere along the line, the frustration and steadfastness have switched places and I have embraced serenity and this has become a part of my daily routine.

One of the struggles with working out involves lack of coordination. I jokingly (okay, only halfway joke) that I am unable to clap my hands and stomp my feet at the same time. Working out has historically been a problem for me due to this inability. A former friend was unfortunately witness to this frustration back in the day of aerobics classes. She witnessed either language that I am not proud of coming out of my mouth, or I would leave in the middle of a class in tears....Once she found me sitting in the sauna in a puddle of tears. I figured the tears would dry quickly while in there. This year, I volunteered to participate in our bi-annual Spring Tea at church. I told them I could sing and act.....so they assigned me to be part of the dances. We were dancing to several songs from the show "The Greatest Showman." I nearly quit that as well, due to tearful frustration. However my castmates and the choreographers convinced me to stay, even informing me that I have some "good lines" and can indeed learn to dance. I am still not so sure about that, but my serenity came from the involvement with the program. I hope the attendees were able to see many people in various shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities do the best we could and step out of our boxes.

In November, my best friend and I had the opportunity to celebrate our birthdays in Las Vegas while attending Donny and Marie Osmond's final show. Watching this show brought tears to my eyes as I do love performing. I always have. Dancing in the Spring Tea and then witnessing the performance in Vegas definitely refreshed my passion for performing. My hope is that one day I will find my place in that world. 

As far as my business goes, there have been some conflicts in that arena. These conflicts have been primarily financial struggles while dealing with insurance companies. After six years of trying so hard to do business with them, I made a very difficult decision this year to discontinue my relationship with all of them. Their mission and mine have proven to not be aligned in any way. They have caused some pretty intensive financial difficulties this year so, effective January 1, 2020, I have chosen to become a fully out of pocket private practitioner. This was quite the ethical dilemma on my part, as I understand the importance and need for many people to depend on their insurance companies to pay for treatment. I have been in that arena for much of my life so I totally understand that. The peace came when I realized that this is due to the decisions of the insurance companies, not mine. I realized that, ethically, my decision to remove myself from underneath their methods of doing business was a better match for my practice. I get to finally do my work based on my client's needs and desires, not on insurance demands. This will certainly help as I navigate the world with clients who are struggling in their lives and/or marriages/relationships, when they are in crisis, when they are fighting to live, when I get to fight with them for them, when they request phone sessions or video sessions.

I also continue to teach Mental Health First Aid and Youth Mental Health First Aid classes. I hoped to be teaching these more frequently, however that has not grown to meet the need quite yet. This is an area that I will continue praying will grow. I have, however, been requested to do more speaking on Love Languages, Boundaries, and Mental Health. This is definitely a surprise to me. To be contacted out of the blue and asked to be a speaker, due to my knowledge, experience, and passion is quite humbling for sure.

Nearly two years ago, we sold our home and moved to a rural area near my office. We moved into a rental townhouse with the belief we may only live there for a short time. Throughout the past couple of years, we kept seeking homes, even believing one of them was to be our new home. As time moved on, I became convicted that we were not grateful for the gifts God had blessed us with. We were so busy looking forward to our new home, that we were losing sight of the gifts He had given us. Once I shifted that thought process, I began to feel increasingly peaceful and calm. Now we have been given new direction. Direction that I will share as we are given more specific details. I realized recently that I feel like a mix of Noah and Abram. Build the boat. Prepare for rain. Move when and where I instruct you to. We have some direction, however I am preparing as I am instructed, step by step.....and am attempting to maintain an attitude of gratitude all the while navigating the unknown. It has been interesting navigating the anxiety of big change while at the same time embracing serenity that God is in charge and will give clear directions when it is His timing.

While pondering all of these situations and experiences over the past year, I compare where I was at the start of this year to where I am now. I have learned to embrace serenity even in these challenges. When finances are tough; when I fear I may not be able to help my clients; when I wonder how I can find an in and educate the community how to help in this current suicide crisis; when I fear that I may make a fool of myself on stage in my speaking engagements, in singing, or even dancing; when I focus so much on getting healthy that I do something wrong and hurt myself; or even fear making big decisions in case I hear or interpret incorrectly. My job is to keep my focus and remember that fear is not of God. 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." ~ Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

                                                                               ~ James 3:17-18 (ESV) 

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:7 (ESV) 

 ".....for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

                                                                                  ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)

 I truly don't know what 2020 holds. What I do know is that this new decade will bring about some pretty significant changes in my life. I think it may be a good time to evaluate the last decade as I prepare for the next one. Hmmm...... 

all contents (c) 2019 Laura Inglis