So after a year of learning to be steadfast, things appear to have shifted gears a bit. Last year, I was focused on really analyzing what I was thinking, believing, or steadfastly moving towards. As 2018 began, I wondered what my word of the year would be, though nothing was appearing. What I did begin to note was some "pulling together" of things that I have been learning and adjusting over the past few years.
A couple of constant themes in my life have been fear of not being good enough and frustration with being overweight and how both of these substantially affect my worth. Over the past six years, I have been learning how to accept who God created me to be, learning to rest, learning how to return, journeying through life, restoring, and being steadfast. These years of practicing the OneWord365 program began with a cancer diagnosis that has permanently impacted my life and perspective, then added the loss of relationships due to conflict and/or a difference of opinions, death, and moves; professionally going out on my own; and learning how to give me permission to be the woman that God created me to be. Nearly halfway through 2018, I began to notice some things changing within. Now, as I prepare to head into the last day of the year, I look back over the year and confirm significant changes....really growths, to be honest. I believe God gave me this year to look back and see how these words have impacted my life.
I have learned to not fight places and seasons in my life, and rather accept them. To accept who I am and my limitations. I've learned to take the time to rest, realize my limitations and lean into God in all situations. The idea of returning everything to God before I move forward and make decisions that are God-led instead of me-led can still be a struggle for this independent, stubborn woman. I'm learning that I am, however, capable IF I am cautious to assure I have returned these decisions and situations to God first and foremost. I have learned that life is indeed, a journey. That makes me ponder the Israelites. They repeatedly suffered consequences for not accepting, resting, or returning while on their journeys. Do I follow their lead in becoming impatient and impulsive or do I look at the journey and accept, rest, and return? Do I continually seek the difference on the journey between confidence and arrogance? What about seeking a way to set effective boundaries that are led by Scripture, including resting in the Sabbath? God then took me through a time of restoration and learning how to be steadfast. I thought the first few years were challenging, until the most recent words involved the next level of growth. Allowing God to restore me to the woman He created me to be and teaching me to be steadfast in that knowledge, involved letting go of the what I believed I knew to be true and allowing necessary healing for scars left behind. Instead of fearing success or failure, take each step as I see God shine the light on the path. Don't look too far ahead. Allow God to be my GPS without worrying about if I'm good enough.
2018 has taught me to recognize that God has given me the skills and the talents to accomplish whatever roles He has sent me to do. It has been so interesting over the past month to process the affirmations that God has sent my way. People affirming the work that I do in my office, my ability to be a skilled instructor for Mental Health First Aid, how God uses my singing in the choir to draw people into worship, that people can feel the Holy Spirit's presence in my office suite, and on and on. It's been humbling to experience again and again how God is using me and my journey to speak to others. And to think, all I had to do was stay steadfast in this journey God has taken me on. Others may or may not like me, think like me, care about my perspective, or appreciate my way of doing things. It has taken a long time, but I am learning how to not let these feelings of others negatively impact me. I'd like to think that my opinion means something to people who are important to me, but it doesn't always and that's okay. My feelings or opinions are just as valid as anyone else. It's so sad that it's taken me 52 years to realize that. I guess that makes sense why God would give me a year to pull all of these words and lessons together so my hard head could catch up. HAHA!! Now we see what 2019 has in store for me.
all contents (c) 2011-2019 Laura Inglis
