What's the big deal about friendship?

You know how you hear that there are extroverts and then there are introverts? Well, 90% of the time, I'm pretty well on the far end of the spectrum....on the side of the extroverts. Don't get me wrong. As I get older, I tend to appreciate alone time periodically more than I ever did when I was younger. As recent as 5-10yrs ago, I was an extrovert 100% of the time. I think I've learned to appreciate alone time because of the numerous experiences when I've had to walk on eggshells and be so extremely careful of what I say. I'm the type of person that says what I mean and mean what I say. While I never intend to hurt someone's feelings, it can happen. What I have noticed is that this can happen when someone tries to "read between the lines" of something I've said. The problem with reading between the lines is that....honestly? I really meant exactly what I said. There was no hidden agenda. I've often said if I want you to know you've been offensive, or I feel I have a point that needs to be made....you'll know it. I have no fear of confrontation. I don't like it, but I'm certainly not afraid of it. It's just difficult when folks try to read too much into something I've said. I guess maybe it's our society. There's too much underlying...stuff...and not enough straight forward honesty.


The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. 
~ Proverbs 12:26  

How does that impact friendships? I've experienced and heard the stories of entirely too many people who have been harmed by the loss of friendships due to misunderstandings in communication. As a clinical social worker, I am frequently called upon to mediate conflict with my clients and their family/friends. So often it has been caused by assumptions (we KNOW what they say about that) or trying too hard to figure out what the other person REALLY meant. The end result? Explosions. Grudges.  Lost relationships. Physical harm. Depression. Isolation.  


Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 

Have I recently lost a friendship due to mis-communication? Is that what this is about? No. Actually this is about the journey I've been on in the past 6 months as compared to my pre-cancer life. There has been a distinct shift in my friendships since my marriage ended nearly 10yrs ago. We had friends together. There were people who made rather large assumptions about our decision. Rumors were spread. Ugliness happened. Black. Horrible. Hurtful. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Loss of friendships I believed were close. Really hard time. The most interesting part to me was that my ex-husband and I have a healthier relationship now than we did when we were married. Others just could not, or would not understand that. For some reason, these folks decided that there was a need to judge and condemn something that they did not know the full story about. Out of those who were active in my life, only a very small intricate smattering of people remained steadfast. I'm extremely grateful that God placed them there to pull me through and keep me moving.


One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  ~ Proverbs 18:24  

Now fast forward to this past year. My life has changed dramatically. I have a career that I absolutely love. I work with a team that I'm proud to say that are my friends as well as colleagues. My church family is absolutely amazing. Enter my nearly adult children who are my pride and joy and life is pretty well better than I could have ever expected. When it was discovered that I was to have surgery to remove a large mass, I began to have many friends offer support, love, and prayers. I was grateful and quite moved. I'd had surgeries before and never had this type of response. I thought that was pretty amazing.  

As always, my best friend/roommate and my friend who's more like a sister than friend were at the hospital, along with new additions to our support team who so wonderfully were willing to be there for each other and me. By the time I awoke, more people had heard about my diagnosis than I could have imagined. The word was out. Tears were shed. Shock and frustration by those who had heard. Prayers were being offered by the bucket loads. The next day, I can't even tell you how many people came to the hospital. I could not believe what was happening. Remember I said I'm an extrovert? That's a good thing because I was definitely receiving so much energy from those folks. I'm sure that's why I was able to bounce back so quickly.


He ordered the centurion to keep Paul under guard but to give him some freedom and permit his friends to take care of his needs. ~ Acts 24:23 


During my recovery, meals were brought to our home, Hallmark stock must have risen dramatically considering all the cards delivered, gift cards for groceries. You name it, my friends provided it. Now, with the upcoming surgery, I continue to be amazed at the love, care, and concern shown to me. God has blessed me more than I ever could have asked or imagined. Just as He promised He always would.


Back to my initial question. What's the big deal about friendships? 

Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as he loved himself. 
~ 1 Samuel 18:1

I have my best friend in the world. She has stood by me through thick and thin. She has lived with my family for the past 13yrs. She has helped raise my children. She tells me the hard things. She fights me FOR me when I can't. She supports and encourages always. When I hurt, she hurts. She has promised to never leave me....and she hasn't. She's my soulmate. I never thought I could have someone who knows me so well still want to be there. She prays for me non-stop. (I'm sure I need it more times than not.) Her family has become my family and my kids adore her like crazy.


When I first moved to the Seattle area, I began working for a company and was warned not to be friends with the president's secretary. Well, I've never been sorry that I didn't heed that warning. She has stood by me and with me ever since. We've been close for nearly 23yrs. Actually, we've realized through the years that, though neither of us was raised with a sister, God provided us one in each other. We've had conflicts, sure. Just like sisters do. We share the blood of Christ instead of the blood of our parents. She was there as my coach and support when both of my children were born. She has cried with me, celebrated with me, defended me, cared for me. We frequently don't share the same interests, but that's okay. We love one another unconditionally. No strings. Her friends have become my friends and my friends, hers. We love them because they love our sister. We embrace them because they are our sister's friends. Ever since God gifted me with my sister, I can't imagine life without her. Other friends have come and gone through the years, yet my sister remains.


My church family will call me, Facebook message me. They will consult with professionals to make sure I'm being cared for appropriately. They pray for me. They encourage me as I travel this journey. They keep me focused on using the gifts that God has given me. They seek me out at church. They listen to me. They cry with me. They pray with me. They love me.


My work family has shown me what support and acceptance in a workplace is all about. They are with me everyday making sure that I'm taking care of myself. Acknowledging if I look tired or reminding me to eat if I get too busy. They make sure that my insurance coverage isn't going to change and mess up my healthcare during this time. They encourage me to keep doing what I'm doing in my job. They provide for my needs in ways that they probably don't even realize. 


My previous classmates in colleges and in high school continue to rally around even from across the country. People who had lost touch with me have found me after so many years. They pray for me and offer encouragement from locally and so far away. Other people have come into my life. Friends of friends. Friends of family. They all encourage and pray and support and show love.

This is what friendship is all about. God has gifted me the past year with the gift of learning what it means to stand with someone. What it feels like to be on the receiving end of that support. I've said it before and I'm sure it won't be the last. I've been so amazingly overwhelmed by those God has placed in my life. I want to thank each of my friends for the role you've had in my life. Thank you Father God for these people. They are amazing and I can never express my gratitude enough.