When I went to college to earn my degree, I was told by many people in the Deaf community that there is no one in this particular county who provided counseling in their language. I felt drawn to this community and my heart ached to see so many deaf people unable to receive counseling in sign language. Deaf people and sign language interpreters alike encouraged me through my studies, with a goal of earning my degree and becoming a trained therapist so I would be able to meet this need.
I have always had a passion for people who were abused. I felt a connection with women and children who experienced domestic violence. When I was fresh out of high school, a freshman in the local state college, my goal was to work with abused and neglected children. As life moved on, I became a married woman and raised children of my own, I learned to relate to parents as well as their children. Why would someone hit their child? Sometimes power and control is a survival technique. Sometimes life becomes so stressful and chaotic, that the harm is accidental. There are many reasons for the violence, believe it or not. I don't believe that a parent, husband, wife, or child wakes up one morning and decides to become an abuser. I believe there are other reasons yet to be discovered. I want to work with those who are trying to heal from these experiences.
As I began my career in community mental health, I found that my passion is not only for the Deaf community and for domestic violence survivors. I am also drawn to people who are hurting, considering suicide, depressed or anxious. Oddly enough, I heard from friends who have known me since childhood that they have never been surprised that I became a therapist, much less a crisis specialist. They told me that I have always been the person in our community who people were drawn to when they needed someone to talk to. Imagine my surprise. I never knew that.
After working in community mental health for several years, earning my license, and, as one of our directors informed me, built a solid foundation for my career, I felt it was time for me to move on. I applied for many jobs in the county in which I had so long felt I was supposed to establish myself. I was interviewed for several jobs, though was not offered any of them.
Within the past year, the idea of setting up my own private practice was suggested by a friend and colleague of mine. The year involved working with my family and friends to come up with a name, finding an office space, and doing the rest of the things required to establish a business. Much time, money, energy, and prayers have been spent setting this up. I have been so incredibly excited to finally meet the need that had so long been discussed. The perfect office space was rented, furniture purchased and arranged, business license and malpractice insurance received, website created, and business cards passed out.
One would think that the next stop on the journey would be the phone calls from all of these clients who I was told were in need of my services. Right? That's what I thought, too. This is my third month with the office space. My third month with a business license. My third month with no clients asking for my services. I have found myself on the yellow brick road. There are people around me giving me ideas (directions, if you will). I follow these directions, to find myself no closer to my destination. Imagine everywhere you look, you see a maze of yellow bricks, with no idea which direction to go.
The one thing I can still see is my current job. The place where they have all been sad to know I may be leaving. The place where they were such an amazing support to me during my health crisis a couple of years ago. Am I supposed to stay there? What were all of these dead end job applications, job interviews, and failed attempts to set up this practice leading me to? How do we know which direction to follow? At this point I have signed a one year lease with no way to get out of it. A phone contract for two years that would be quite expensive to cancel. Maybe this is one of those areas where God is teaching me to assure that I return this to Him. Maybe I need to take all ten fingers off and let God do what He wants to do, guide me where He wants me to go.
"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God..... Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old." ~ Psalm 25:1-6
