What a week!!

Do you ever have weeks that are just a wild mix of emotions and experiences? That has been my experience for the past week....or maybe two. It's been interesting to say the least. 

Last week began with a colleague expressing some dissatisfaction with our work relationship and expressed his opinion in a less than professional matter, resulting in a great deal of tension in our workplace and meeting/consultations with our supervisor. Not a lot of fun. I'm a pretty die hard team player. I will do whatever I can to make our work flow, pull together, and help wherever I can. Let's just say that others....well....aren't the same. Hearing that this colleague has been saying ugly things to co-workers that are a) rude and b) not true about me is pretty gut wrenching, for sure. However, by early this week, a meeting had taken place and some things were clarified and apologies made and ACCEPTed. Let's move on with life, I say.

Speaking of work, life in community mental health has been pretty stressful as of late. We've been going through some significant changes and my team has been making plans about how to cope with work and divide my responsibilities while I'm on medical leave. I know that the surgery is necessary for my health, but it's pretty anxiety provoking to know how tough it's going to be on my team for those 2 months. Sometimes I have to ask if I should postpone the surgery until a more opportune time. Of course the questions that are raised then are 1) when would there be a more opportune time, as I'm the ONLY crisis worker in my agency so they will always have to fill my spot and 2) is work more important than my health? Hmmm....Apparently the answers are quite clear. Just take care of the surgery and move on with the healing and kicking cancer's butt. I guess I must just ACCEPT that the team will work things out and I have to focus on my health. That's tough for a team player, for sure.

If you've read some of my other posts, you might have noticed my struggle with music. Well, last year I bit the bullet and joined our church choir. Of course it was partially due to an ulterior motive. My best friend in the world is a wonderful singer and musician, but hadn't been using her gift of music. 

SO, in effort to get her back into music, I joined the choir with her. I was completely prepared to have them ask me to quiet my voice, stand in the back, or whatever form it took for them to let me know I didn't have the skill to sing in the choir. That's been my previous experience, right? Okay....evidently my preconceived idea has not come to pass. We sang in the Easter performance last year and began the 2011/2012 season last fall. Of course my best buddy had to continue on her own after my surgery and cancer diagnosis, but the choir members and leader made me promise I'd return after the first of the year when I'd healed enough. "Really? Are you sure? You still want me there? I don't get it." Last weekend we performed in several services (we belong to a rather large church that has services Saturday night and throughout Sunday morning). After a sound check, one of the women who happens to be a music teacher and has the misfortune (in my view anyway - I'm singing right in her ear) of standing next to me had a little chat with me that really humbled me and took me aback. I'm still processing her words. Mind blowing? Not really. Deep and life changing. I don't know about that....so much. But more meaningful than she could have imagined. She informed me that I have a beautiful voice and that I should never stop singing. She loved that I was standing next to her and loved hearing me sing. Then another person who stands with me commented on how touched she was when she saw me sing last year. You see....I'm pretty animated when I sing. I really enjoy worshiping my God and love the idea of leading others in worship. I just love singing praises to God and sending out His messages of love, grace, and mercy. These sweet women spoke what has been so foreign to me. But I've been so convinced that music is not my gift. How can they be right? I don't understand. How can I ACCEPT what I had totally believed was untrue and a pipe dream? Evidently I'm still processing and struggling with ACCEPTing where God has me right now with this issue.

Then tonight.....tonight. My week was able to end in such a way that fills my heart. My son has fallen for a young lady from another state through primarily online communication. He let me know recently that they are becoming quite serious and she had decided to come here to visit to see how they interact face to face. They have spent the week together and she is leaving on Sunday evening. I requested that I be able to meet this young lady that my son has become so serious about and he was more than willing to oblige. Mom had to do what only Mom's get to do, though. A home-cooked meal it is. So he requested that Mom make her famous meatloaf, macaroni and cheese, and corn for the big dinner, with chocolate cupcakes for dessert. It was such a wonderful evening. My son's new girlfriend is such a sweet girl. We all had an amazing time. My son was BEAMING in a way I have not seen in a very long time. There did not appear to be any facade or forced interaction anywhere. She engaged in conversations and joking around with everyone, including deep, personal history. She informed me that she adores my son and "you did a d*mn great job in raising him." She said that she loves how I can be a "Mama Grizzly Bear," as my kids have been known to call me. She informed me of how she can see how fiercely protective he is over his family, too. I have to say that this relationship doesn't appear to be one that I'll have trouble ACCEPTing. I still have prayers for my son's future and, if she is part of that future, for her as well. But I think it won't be hard to ACCEPT this young lady into our family.

Like I said....what a week. I guess ACCEPT continues to be the word....in a lot of situations.