Legacy

The past 12 months have shown themselves to be full of questions and personal pain. I really have no idea what God's plans are, however I know I have to trust Him. I know that the cancer diagnosis was not only a huge surprise to me, but to my family and my friends. I have spent the year not asking why is this happening to me, but what am I supposed to do with what God is giving me. I know for a fact that God's plans are always good and, in Deuteronomy, He assures me that He will never leave me or forsake me. I continue to trust that and accept God's will for my life.

People often ask where my faith and acceptance comes from. I'd have to say that a large portion of my faith has been passed down through generations. This has become painfully clear during the past few months. On April 10th, the day before my big surgery, God took my maternal grandmother home to live with him. My grandmother was 85yrs old and had been suffering from various physical health issues for a while. She was a super sweet lady who took a great deal of pride in her six children, sixteen grandchildren, and thirteen great-grandchildren. I will never see a crossword puzzle or word search puzzle without thinking about my grandmother. She had puzzle books all over the place and did them as long as I can remember. It's funny the things that we look back so fondly on. Puzzle books, game shows, and pride in her large family are a few that I will always associate with my grandma.

I spoke to my mom yesterday. One of my aunts has been care provider for my grandparents for about the past four years. My mom went there recently to give my aunt a break for a couple of weeks. I inquired as to how my grandfather was doing and my mom told me he wasn't doing well. He was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, has had super thick blood for a long time, and other health problems. The long and the short of it is that his children have decided, unanimously, to discontinue CT scans, cancer treatments, and other invasive procedures. He's not getting better and the thought is to just keep him as comfortable as possible. He's 87yrs old and not in good health. Mom said he's sleeping a lot more and not eating much at all. Of course, since I'm a therapist, I'm fully aware that he just lost his wife of 66yrs. His fatigue and loss of appetite is likely due to depression as well as poor health. To think that my grandfather is feeling depressed is such a hard feeling to grasp. To think that he will not likely be around much longer is incredibly difficult.

You see, my grandpa has always been a man I have admired and adored. I never witnessed him display any cruelty towards anyone. He loved and accepted everyone. He has always been a wonderful example of showing God's love to his neighbors. My grandparents raised their six children as Bible believing and Christ following members of society. I was raised in Georgia and my grandparents made their home in Indiana so we were able to visit when they came to us or we came to them. I will never forget visiting them during summers. A common activity was to attend their church. My grandparents introduced each of us to their church family. As time marched on, church members would automatically walk up to us and just know that we belonged to my grandparents. 

My grandfather would never think twice about giving to others. This man has probably the largest heart of anyone I've ever met in my life. A simple man with a heart as big as Texas. His children and grandchildren have always adored him. I have so many memories of him, but it's still not enough. I wish I had more. I wish I could soak up more of his stories, of his love, and of the sparkle in his eye. It was with my grandfather that I learned to read the Bible. I remember sitting on his lap reading my brand new Bible when I was in early elementary school. He loved listening to us read. My grandpa has always been a self taught man and loved learning all kinds of things.

You see, my grandparents have left a legacy that we are blessed to receive. I can only hope to create a legacy even close to this one. The recent diagnosis of cancer has made me ponder quite a bit about what legacy I would like to leave when God decides it's time to take me home. Will I leave behind a love for my Father, for my family, and for my community the way my grandfather has done? Will I always be available for a hug? Will my home always have an open door and acceptance policy? When my grandchildren remember me, will they remember that their grandmother loved God with all of her heart, mind, soul, and strength? My grandparents showed that to me. I miss knowing that my grandma will be there next time I go to Indiana to visit. It's simply heartbreaking to know that my grandpa will likely be called home before I go back as well. I am so grateful to have been left such a wonderful legacy and for the privilege to say it is from their line I have come.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." ~ Deuteronomy 6:5-9

An interesting tidbit of information....My grandfather's name is Prince and my grandmother's name was Saralee. She was such a sweetie and he is a prince among men in my eyes. Talk about living up to your name.....