Challenges and Change

Do you ever have times when it seems like you can't do anything right? Times when you say something to someone to encourage them and it backfires.....then the friendship becomes uncomfortable or no longer existant? Times when you feel like God is giving you a direction and you get all excited about it, only to find a STOP or a YIELD sign in front of you? Is the plan still ahead, just further ahead than you thought? Was I wrong in where I thought I was going? Did God change the plan for some reason?

It seems like the last few years of my life have been full of change. Some of which have resulted in a great deal of hurt and some have been wonderful change. My marriage of 17yrs ended mutually. I was able to return to school and learn ASL, then earn both my BA and Master's degrees. My son graduated from high school after some tumultuous teen years and has been trying to find his way in life since. I have finally discovered a fulfilling career. Of course there was also the calling that God gave me into Deaf ministry. Learning ASL was an incredible challenge, as was earning my degrees. Pretty amazing stuff for someone who was a stay at home wife and mother for 12yrs. I completely believed that my job was solely to be a wife and mother. Nothing else. Fortunately my dear friend believed differently and was such a support to me as I finally came to the realization that there was more for my life after my marriage ended. I'm sure convincing me of that was a bigger challenge for her than she ever thought possible. I'm glad God gave her the stamina to fight with me as I struggled with those changes.

Then, to top it all off, the doctors discovered last October that I have a very rare appendix cancer. Yep. Cancer. So, let's take a look at this. I'm a housewife/mother for most of my adult life then am called into Deaf Ministry and return to college. I struggle and strain, eventually earn my degrees while being a single mom, then enter the career God sent me into. Find a job that suits me well and that I love more than I imagined. God plants a goal into my heart about my future, so I start looking ahead, planning, preparing.....then comes the screeching halt and the time to re-evaluate most everything. Cancer....okay....well....what does that mean? What does that say for my future? I've watched my son become a young adult. My daughter is still in her teens. Don't they still need their mom around? Will I be there as they find their way in life? Why did I have to spend so much time in school and developing my career if I was going to die a few years into it? Wait a minute. Cancer doesn't always go hand in hand with death. Is this just another challenge in my life? I know we're not supposed to worry about tomorrow and I get that, but I do believe we're supposed to plan ahead to be wise in and with what we are given.

I've discovered myself pondering the word "accept" the last week or so. I've found myself responding to various conflict at work and in my personal life with a comment such as "I know it's something I don't agree with, but I accept that I can't do anything about it so I will choose not to fight this battle." Or maybe "I wish this conflict was able to be resolved in this friendship, but I've already clarified and apologized for anything I may have said wrong. I'm just going to accept that there is nothing else I can do. It's his/her call. Not mine at this point, even though I wish there was something else I could do." And of course there is the whole cancer thing. I do struggle with the intense, experimental surgery that is in my near future. It's the only treatment that has been shown to be effective for appendix cancer and it can be scary to think about. I have to accept that it is the only option to fight this and trust that God is going to fulfill His plan. I wish I knew the future, but I don't. The word "accept" is looking to be a tough word for me. I pray that it's not so tough as the year moves forward.

all contents (c) 2011-2019 Laura Inglis