2 weeks (and 1 day) post surgery....

Alrighty.....Yesterday was 2 weeks since the big HIPEC surgery. The fact that I'm here to post should be one indication that the worst did not occur. Actually, to the contrary. Everything went much better than the surgeon expected and he was apparently rather pleased. Pleased that I had stood firm on wanting the surgery sooner rather than later and pleased that there were no major surprises. 


Let's go back to the days prior to the surgery. On the Monday just after Easter, I completed my final day of work before my medical leave began. Everything went well. I completed all of the necessary paperwork and consulted with my supervisor who would be taking over the crisis portion of my job while I'm out. During my meeting with him, co-workers and HR staff presented me with a couple of beautiful bouquets of flowers and the announcement that I was chosen to be April employee of the month. I continue to be amazed at how my fellow teammates show appreciation to me for doing my job. I am learning, as I get older, exactly how much of a team player I am. I'm really not one to put myself in a holier than thou place. We're all staff and there for the clients and each other. Let's show that. Anyway....that's another topic for another time, I'm sure. That day was full of a mix of emotions. I love my job. I love my co-workers who have become wonderful friends. I sure do miss being there on a daily basis, though the 2mos will go by quickly, so I should focus on healing, I'm certain. By the end of the day, good-byes were said, everything prepared, and I left at the end of the day knowing that I was going to be missed, prayers were being offered up, and I would be back as soon as possible. 


On Tuesday, I did the bowel clean out that had been prescribed. If you haven't had a MoviPrep, you might read Dave Barry's take on it and see what it's all about.   It wasn't quite as bad as Mr. Barry described, but....it sure wasn't a fun experience. I also had to spend the afternoon on heavy doses of antibiotics in preparation for the surgery. I was notified that I needed to be at the hospital at 7:15am the next morning. As far as my mental health, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Just going on autopilot and putting everything in God's hands. God is the only One who knew how things were going to turn out. I just had to trust His timing and His plan and move forward as I was doing.


The hospital where the surgery was performed is north of Seattle and I live quite a bit south of there, with my church and support team living even further south. My support team converged at my home early the next morning to carpool to the hospital, where we met another friend and pastors from my church. 3 of our pastors came to pray and offer love and support. Unfortunately I wasn't able to pray with 2 of them as timing didn't play in our favor, however I hope they know how much I appreciate their love, support, and prayers. I was honored that they came such a long distance, so early in the morning to be with us. I was grateful we had a chance to visit before I was called back to prepare.


The rest of the day is pretty blurry for me, due to lots of medication and the surgery. They put in IVs and an epidural. I hear that the 6-8hr long surgery actually only lasted less than 6hrs. When I awoke in recovery, I was having some trouble breathing so they gave me a breathing treatment. I did realize immediately that I had no NG tube in my nose or colostomy bag attached to me. This was WONDERFUL news for me. They allowed my best friend and my sister to come in to visit one at a time so they could see me for myself and know that I was okay. I had a nurse that was dedicated to just me and my care. I felt pretty fortunate. 


I was told that the surgeon was surprised at how the cancer had advanced since my previous abdominal surgery in October, though the pathology reports continued to say that it was the low grade, slow growing neoplasm that they had initially diagnosed. Just prior to the surgery, I had informed him that I believed the mucinous material had increased. He stated that he would be quite surprised if it had. Then, he discovered "a substantial amount of mucin" upon opening me up. He did a colon resection (removing the part of the colon that was attached to the appendix), scraped the cancer off of the liver and diaphragm, and removed the remaining portion of my omentum. They then did the heated chemo bath portion of the surgery. I haven't seen my surgical report yet, but this is what I know so far.


I was in the hospital for a full week. It was interesting being in a teaching hospital and having teams for my care. Dealing with numerous IV sites, lots of tubes, the epidural, pain medication, etc is likely more information than any of you want to read in a blog post. Suffice it to say that it was a week of medical care, a week of listening to my bowels to assure they started moving again after the surgery, and lots of lost time due to sleep and pain medication. Good thing my support team was always there for one another so no one became supremely bored. 


Since my discharge last week, I've been spending a great deal of time becoming accustomed to my post-surgery bowel struggles, lack of appetite, loss of energy, and difficulty sleeping. All of this is normal for the procedure that I had done. As friends of mine who are in the medical field have repeatedly informed me....this is my 2nd significant abdominal surgery in 6 months. That I should give my body a break from expectations. Okay. So I spend the next bit of time gradually increasing and moving forward. The 27 staples were removed 2 days ago and I have a post-op appointment with the surgeon next week. 


So, that's what's been going on with me health-wise. Lest I lose sight of the rest of the story, we attended church Saturday night. Unbeknownst to me, a wonderful deaf man was speaking last weekend. Luke Everett is the son of the founder of Rancho Sordo Mudo. He said some things that really touched my heart. Reminders that God has granted my request to continue living and working for Him here on Earth, as much as I would like to be in His presence in heaven. 


"Vision is a reflection of what God wants to do through us to impact the world.... Living and doing what we do, we can become very comfortable and just plug on until Christ comes back..... You can lose sight of the needs that are around you..... You can see the brokenness in humanity......Every life has meaning. Jesus died for every life. If you change one family, one life, then you've made a difference because every life has meaning. Jesus loves every life. We always think of God has a group hug kind of God, but He loves each of us individually. " ~ Luke Everett


I'm not sure what the future holds. God does. I don't know yet what the vision is, but it's becoming increasingly clear as time marches on. 


"Don't give up on yourself because God hasn't given up on you.... God has a plan. God has a vision for you guys." ~ Luke Everett 

Easter Weekend

Well, it is now Easter evening. For me, the celebration of Christ's resurrection this year was spent singing in the choir at my church for 5 services over the past two days. I am a member of a rather large congregation that I have grown to love. Having been raised in small Southern churches, I never believed I'd be able to become intimately involved in a large church. Always one to be proven wrong, God has done just that. 

After spending the previous 10-12yrs attempting to walk away from the music that has always been a significant part of my life, God has gradually pulled me back into the music world. 9yrs ago, within the first year of beginning to attend my congregation, after having left a pretty dysfunctional small church and pretty hurtful personal experiences, I was asked to begin interpreting the music during services. That led to becoming quite involved in the Deaf Ministry and developing relationships with both deaf and hearing church family. It also reminded me of how much music is an outlet for me. One that I had missed, whether I wanted to admit to it or not. Several years later, the Deaf Ministry came to a close and music was once again set aside. A year ago, God managed to convince me to join the church choir. I began to develop closer relationships w/ those whom I had come to know through the years at my church and make new friends with others. They have spent the last year loving me, encouraging me, and offering tons of support.

Last October, when I had the surgery that resulted in my cancer diagnosis, I was provided with indescribable amounts of love from various groups of people in my life including this church family, my work family, and other folks in my daily life. Prayers were offered up all over the US and other countries, I'm told. That was pretty overwhelming. In a wonderful way.

As the time as drawn closer for my upcoming surgery, I have become quite focused on preparation. Preparing for taking time off from work. Preparing with my insurance for the surgery to be paid for. Preparing my family and friends who are so incredibly concerned and worried. Preparing for my children and my roommate financially and for decisions that may need to be made. And preparing myself for the possibilities that this may not go well. You've heard the term, "plan for the worst and hope for the best." I would hate to have had this amount of time to prepare and fritter it away. During this time of preparation, it has become easier and easier to plan FOR the inevitable. Not having control, options, or choices in a situation can do that to a person. I completely trust that God is in control. I accept that His will is the best plan. To me, that has meant accepting whatever His plan is.

This weekend, being Easter weekend and having spent a good portion of it with my church family, God was able to adjust my focus a bit. I was able to spend SO much time in full worship, even though I was with my choir friends and on stage. God used my outlet to regain my attention. After one of the services, the choir members pulled me aside and prayed over me. Understand that our choir is approximately 40 or so members and many of them were in the room. My sister and her best friend were both there, as well as my best friend/roommate who is also in the choir. The words spoken were amazingly touching to me, tears fell from many. More than one member of the pastoral staff said that they are coming to the hospital the day of the surgery to pray with and over me. Another choir member requested that I ask God if he would be allowed to pray healing prayers over me as he has felt called into a healing ministry. During our performances, various choir members would lay their hands on me, subtly, in a silent prayer.  Another member held my hand during an entire portion of the performance. And the one who asked if he could pray healing prayers? The very last performance, the standing order miraculously became changed and I found myself standing in front of him. He spent the majority of an entire song laying hands on me.

During a large amount of the weekend, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit again and again. I was told more than once that I was inspiring in my ability to rejoice and worship our Father in light of my health and fear of the upcoming surgery. I had no idea how to respond to that. I'd like to now, if you'll bear with me. You see, the weekend began with a great deal of thought that this may be my last weekend able to worship with this group of people. That I needed to write some messages to those I love to assure that they know how much I love and care for them. I wanted to be able to spend the last of my time here, showing others how much I love my Lord and for Him to know my heart (like He doesn't already). Unbeknownst to me, I had begun to embrace the fear and worry of others by believing their fears were indication of the future. By the end of the weekend with my church family and in the presence of the Holy Spirit, God had gradually adjusted my thoughts. There's no need for any more preparation. I've done what I need to do. The recovery from this surgery may be difficult, however I'm not done here. I still have a lot of work to do. I don't know how long I'm to live on this world, but I do know that God continues to have a plan for me. My days continue to be numbered and I don't know how many numbers there are. God does. That's His job. My job is to continue worshiping Him and living my life as a witness to His love, faithfulness, grace, and mercy.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts while on this journey. I don't know where it will lead, but I'm grateful that you're willing to travel with me. Don't ever forget that God loves you. As our pastor said this morning, "He delights in you." Quite a thought to ponder. I know He has certainly shown me a lot this weekend. What is He trying to tell you? For those of you who have been praying for my healing and my recovery.....Thank you. God is hearing you and He is answering.

The Ultimate Gift

SO…….today is Good Friday….also the first evening of Passover. ….For Christians, Good Friday represents the day that our Savior was crucified on the cross. God sent His willing Son to our world to become the only sacrifice able to pay for all of our sins. No other sacrifice could pay for our sins and make us worthy to be in God's presence….God wants His children to be in relationship with Him so Christ gave His life to pay that debt and allow us direct access to our Father. This Ultimate Sacrifice occurred during Passover. Christ died on Friday, then was resurrected on Sunday. He did what NO ONE would ever be able to do. We celebrate Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection each year on Easter.




"As you know, the Passover is two days away—and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified."    ~ Matthew 26:2 


"Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again." "Then they remembered his words."    ~ Luke 24:5b-8 


Passover is a celebration of God rescuing the Israelites from their captivity in Egypt. This year, it is celebrated today, April 6th until next Saturday, April 14th. Passover is a reminder that God will save us if only we do as He asks and accept His gift of freedom. 

“Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. None of you shall go out of the door of your house until morning. When the Lord goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down….. And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the Lord, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.”      ~ Exodus 12:22-23, 26-27 

Though one would think that, since Passover and Easter are so connected, that they would be celebrated together. However, due to whatever reason, they are not celebrated during the same time period every year. The timing only comes together periodically. This year, Passover begins on Good Friday. 


Today was also my last Friday of work before my surgery. I have one more day to work and then will be fully preparing my body and mind. Interestingly enough, a job that has been maddenly busy for the past few weeks, has all of a sudden slowed down to a crawl for the past 2 days. I spent yesterday preparing my office and work load for the fact that I’ll be out for at least 2mos. Today I was able to complete an Advanced Directive and my Will. It was very odd to see a document stating that it is my Last Will and Testament. Lest you believe I’m becoming negative and morbid, I’m not at all. I’m a single mother of a 16yr old daughter and 21yr old son. My legal next of kin would be considered my 21yr old son. I feel that I would be doing my children a grave dis-service if I did not prepare for difficult medical decisions in advance. Do I think that something is going to go wrong? No. I feel that preparation is the best way to protect my loved ones from being stuck in a position of having to make decisions in regards to my life. 


What does all of this have to do with Good Friday and Passover? I simply find the timing interesting. In Egypt, God told the Israelites to place the blood of a sacrificial lamb on their door frames. Those who did not do so lost their first born when the Angel of Death passed through. The homes of those who had been obedient were passed over. 


When Christ was willing to do what His Father asked of Him, He became the sacrifice for all of God’s children who are willing to do accept the gift. My life is currently at a place where things like God’s grace, gift of salvation, and acceptance of God’s will tend to be more highlighted than at other times in my life. I really have no idea what my future holds. I know what plans I had for my life. I know that I have always planned to live until I’m in my 90s as the majority of the women in my family have done. I know that I love being a mother to my children and would love to be with them through their adult lives. I know that I love being a social worker. It’s not just what I do. It often defines a lot about who I am. What I don’t know is what the doctor will find during this surgery to kill the cancer that has decided to live in my abdominal cavity. I don’t know how my body will respond to the day-long surgery that will occur in just a few days. I don’t know what this future will look like at the end of Passover. Will the Angel of Death pass-over because God has decided to leave me here to live a while longer? 

"A person's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." ~ Job 14:5


"Show me, Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. "Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be. "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” ~ Psalm 39: 4-7 


Just on a side note, my daughter was born on Good Friday. This year, her birthday fell on the Thursday before Good Friday and Passover. She turned 16yrs old yesterday.