Easter Weekend

Well, it is now Easter evening. For me, the celebration of Christ's resurrection this year was spent singing in the choir at my church for 5 services over the past two days. I am a member of a rather large congregation that I have grown to love. Having been raised in small Southern churches, I never believed I'd be able to become intimately involved in a large church. Always one to be proven wrong, God has done just that. 

After spending the previous 10-12yrs attempting to walk away from the music that has always been a significant part of my life, God has gradually pulled me back into the music world. 9yrs ago, within the first year of beginning to attend my congregation, after having left a pretty dysfunctional small church and pretty hurtful personal experiences, I was asked to begin interpreting the music during services. That led to becoming quite involved in the Deaf Ministry and developing relationships with both deaf and hearing church family. It also reminded me of how much music is an outlet for me. One that I had missed, whether I wanted to admit to it or not. Several years later, the Deaf Ministry came to a close and music was once again set aside. A year ago, God managed to convince me to join the church choir. I began to develop closer relationships w/ those whom I had come to know through the years at my church and make new friends with others. They have spent the last year loving me, encouraging me, and offering tons of support.

Last October, when I had the surgery that resulted in my cancer diagnosis, I was provided with indescribable amounts of love from various groups of people in my life including this church family, my work family, and other folks in my daily life. Prayers were offered up all over the US and other countries, I'm told. That was pretty overwhelming. In a wonderful way.

As the time as drawn closer for my upcoming surgery, I have become quite focused on preparation. Preparing for taking time off from work. Preparing with my insurance for the surgery to be paid for. Preparing my family and friends who are so incredibly concerned and worried. Preparing for my children and my roommate financially and for decisions that may need to be made. And preparing myself for the possibilities that this may not go well. You've heard the term, "plan for the worst and hope for the best." I would hate to have had this amount of time to prepare and fritter it away. During this time of preparation, it has become easier and easier to plan FOR the inevitable. Not having control, options, or choices in a situation can do that to a person. I completely trust that God is in control. I accept that His will is the best plan. To me, that has meant accepting whatever His plan is.

This weekend, being Easter weekend and having spent a good portion of it with my church family, God was able to adjust my focus a bit. I was able to spend SO much time in full worship, even though I was with my choir friends and on stage. God used my outlet to regain my attention. After one of the services, the choir members pulled me aside and prayed over me. Understand that our choir is approximately 40 or so members and many of them were in the room. My sister and her best friend were both there, as well as my best friend/roommate who is also in the choir. The words spoken were amazingly touching to me, tears fell from many. More than one member of the pastoral staff said that they are coming to the hospital the day of the surgery to pray with and over me. Another choir member requested that I ask God if he would be allowed to pray healing prayers over me as he has felt called into a healing ministry. During our performances, various choir members would lay their hands on me, subtly, in a silent prayer.  Another member held my hand during an entire portion of the performance. And the one who asked if he could pray healing prayers? The very last performance, the standing order miraculously became changed and I found myself standing in front of him. He spent the majority of an entire song laying hands on me.

During a large amount of the weekend, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit again and again. I was told more than once that I was inspiring in my ability to rejoice and worship our Father in light of my health and fear of the upcoming surgery. I had no idea how to respond to that. I'd like to now, if you'll bear with me. You see, the weekend began with a great deal of thought that this may be my last weekend able to worship with this group of people. That I needed to write some messages to those I love to assure that they know how much I love and care for them. I wanted to be able to spend the last of my time here, showing others how much I love my Lord and for Him to know my heart (like He doesn't already). Unbeknownst to me, I had begun to embrace the fear and worry of others by believing their fears were indication of the future. By the end of the weekend with my church family and in the presence of the Holy Spirit, God had gradually adjusted my thoughts. There's no need for any more preparation. I've done what I need to do. The recovery from this surgery may be difficult, however I'm not done here. I still have a lot of work to do. I don't know how long I'm to live on this world, but I do know that God continues to have a plan for me. My days continue to be numbered and I don't know how many numbers there are. God does. That's His job. My job is to continue worshiping Him and living my life as a witness to His love, faithfulness, grace, and mercy.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts while on this journey. I don't know where it will lead, but I'm grateful that you're willing to travel with me. Don't ever forget that God loves you. As our pastor said this morning, "He delights in you." Quite a thought to ponder. I know He has certainly shown me a lot this weekend. What is He trying to tell you? For those of you who have been praying for my healing and my recovery.....Thank you. God is hearing you and He is answering.