Learning to Rest

I have been spending a great deal of time recently considering what it is like to rest. When God gave me that word for this year, what is it that He wants me to learn? In pondering this, there are several areas in my life that come to mind. Often, when I have an inner struggle, God allows me to go to the ocean or a lake to find peace and re-center my heart. That hasn't been the case recently as there hasn't been an opportunity to head towards water, however He has been using other means to give me direction.

One of the areas that I mentioned where I am trying to learn to rest is my career. I felt God release me from my current job a few months ago and I have been seeking new employment, even interviewing for a couple of jobs. The problem is that I have not been hired, at this point, for either of them. I continue to wait for either another interview or some other evidence indicating that I am heading in the wrong direction, agency-wise. I have also begun the process of planning for a private practice that I hope to start sometime later this year. Both of these adventures bring frustration and excitement. I love the work that I do right now and completely enjoy the daily camaraderie with my colleagues, however at the same time, I feel separated, as though I'm heading a different direction from them.  

Another area where I have been conflicted has been music and how God is calling for me use it in ministry. I continue to sing in the choir and have discussed the possibility of joining the worship teams to lead weekend worship. In addition, the leadership at my church recently agreed to re-start the Deaf Ministry that has been dormant for a few years. I have agreed to serve in this ministry as a music interpreter. It's likely that my career as a clinical social worker will also enable me to provide another service to this ministry at some point. 

These are just a couple of the areas that are occupying a great deal of time and energy in my heart and my mind. I have no real idea where either of these will lead me and waiting has never been a strength of mine. Once I'm told what to do, I primarily move forward pretty quickly. I guess you can say that immediate obedience was pretty well drilled into me from birth.

Something else that has been weighing on my heart has been the fact that I am approaching the one year anniversary of my experimental cancer surgery. I have my one year check up in a few short weeks, including a CT scan to assess for any return of the mucinous appendix cancer. I have a peace that all will go according to God's plan and if the cancer has returned, I will do whatever necessary to continue fighting this disease. I also have to admit that the unknown can bring some anxiety.

Now that I have explained a few recent ponderings, I will share some of what God has been sharing with me. As I mentioned in my recent post, it's pretty amazing how many ways I am being reminded to rest. Our pastors have been teaching on the book of Nehemiah during the past month. In this Old Testament book, we read how Nehemiah was so grieved at how the Jews had been exiled and the news that the walls of Jerusalem had been torn apart. We learn that his reaction was to mourn, fast, and pray....then plan how to rebuild what had been destroyed. Many people may have immediately jumped in to try to fix everything, though Nehemiah showed wisdom. He took the necessary time to humble himself, seek for God's will, and then plan accordingly. 

I also "happened" upon a video that spoke to me. It was a great reminder to focus on what God wants for my life and to rest in Him as He leads. 

"Rest in me today because it's not about what you have to do. It's about what I will do."

There is nothing I can do to hasten the next phase of my career. I am unable to predict God's plan on the whole music front, though accepting music as a part of my life again continues to be a struggle for me. As much as I would like to hear that my CT scan is clear of cancer, I am unable to predict what it will show or have any control over what my body is doing in that front. Of course, God being who He is has already addressed that in His Word. Christ says:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~ Matthew 11:28-29