The past few weeks have found me in some deep thought. God has been putting some of the puzzle pieces together bit by bit. This has left me in awe, in tears, and desiring to see more clearly the path He is taking me. One of the things that never ceases to grab my attention is when God pulls things from various times in my life and puts them smack dab in the center of my current journey. One of the frustrations that I have is when this occurs, my immediate reaction is a desire to run and hide; to return to my previous coping mechanism of believing this can't be about me, that I'm not good enough to do this, and how am I worthy of this calling God is placing on my life? I have lived like this for so long that, God surely doesn't want to give me healing and shower me with so much now. I have become comfortable in knowing my limitations. I am fully aware that people only want me there for their time and convenience. They don't want true, deep relationship and community with me. I mean, seriously. I'm too deep. I don't do surface conversations or relationships. I lack intelligence that the intellectuals in my life have in abundance. I'm just a little Southern girl who was transplanted into the Pacific Northwest so I don't fit in with folks here. The list goes on and on (as evidenced by many blog posts on this journey of mine).
Ever since God started me on the OneWord 365 journey, choosing a word for the year, lightbulbs have begun lighting up. I have struggled to step out of the boat and trust that God will lead me as I keep my eyes on Him, while walking forward on the water. One of our pastors spoke to some of the women of our church the other night. She mentioned this passage of Scripture and boy howdy did it catch my attention. Here is some of the chapter:
"The Lord God has put his Spirit in me, because the Lord has appointed me to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort those whose hearts are broken, to tell the captives they are free, and to tell the prisoners they are released........He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness. They will rebuild the old ruins and restore the places destroyed long ago. They will repair the ruined cities that were destroyed for so long........The Lord makes me very happy; all that I am rejoices in my God. He has covered me with clothes of salvation and wrapped me with a coat of goodness, like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding, like a bride dressed in jewels....." ~ Isaiah 61 NCV
It brought to mind my 2016 word (restore) as well as a song from my past that I had forgotten about. When my marriage ended, due to many things, including years of abuse (even though we are good friends now that we've both moved on in our lives), this song was introduced to me by dear friends (the husband is kind of an adopted dad to me).
Along with the song, they gave me a brick to help me remember what God is doing in my life and how He will pull all of this pain together to make me even stronger. Though I was so hurt and in a place that I never thought I would be in, they wanted me to remember that God was and would continue to do a good work in me.
Now fast forward over the years since the end of my marriage in 2002. Since then I have earned a Bachelor's degree, a Master's degree, and my social work license. I have become successfully self-employed and can envision a business that will grow and provide a needed service to the area. I have begun doing trainings at my church and am currently taking a class that may indeed provide more focus in that area of my life. This year, not only is God providing healing in my life to restore me back to the person He created me to be, He is guiding me and lighting my path as I move step by step. This morning I recalled the eagle experience when God confirmed my word for the year and the message God gave me. The eagle was once endangered, but has now been restored. It continues to be protected. Not only is the eagle a protected creature, it is cherished by many. It is used in many analogies for it's grace, beauty, and strength.
Now I return to the passage my pastor friend shared. This passage reminds me of my call to help people who are hurting; to redirect them to their Comforter; to use my experiences to help others know they are not alone and how to armor up with the Full Armor of God. God is making beauty from the ashes. Some versions of this passage specify the trees as oak trees. They represent the strength and endurance. God is doing a good work in me and in those who are willing to be called by His name. He is restoring. He is creating beauty from ashes. He turning our ashes into bricks on which He uses to build onto the cornerstone. Christ is our cornerstone. He is the One on whom we depend when the world is shaking. When the evil one tries to throw the flaming arrows, I need to remember to put up my shield of faith that is given to me as part of the armor I am reminded to wear daily. When I am told I am not good enough, not smart enough, not worthy, and just....not.... I need to remember these lessons. I need to remember that Christ was not considered enough either. He was mocked even more so, though He stood firm in what He knew to be the truth. Great example for me, as I read Isaiah 61; as I listen to this song; as I recall the brick given to me by my friends; and as I continue on this journey God has laid out for me.
all contents (c) 2016 Laura Inglis
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